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Ok, I'm confused. Since we have gone to mediation twice, and since having "a talk", my X is behaving very strangely, as in, he's actually behaving "nicely". I really don't know what to make of it.
We had 1 visit with him last week-end that went well. My stepson wasn't there (I have been forbidden to see him by my X), but X wanted to "talk" about custody and was trying to argue with me about seeing his daughter more than twice a week. I finally got to the root of the matter: he is afraid that I'll start seeing someone and that this person will usurp his place as a father in his daughter's life, since she is with me all the time. So, this whole wanting shared custody thing isn't about what's good for his daughter, it's about what's good for his EGO.
And yet, the whole visit, he didn't drink. There *was* some white wine in the fridge but he never drinks that and said taht it was left over from a dinner party he had. I wasn't sure what to make of it.
Then we had a visit last night, and he again didn't drink. I got to see my stepson, apparently because my X thinks that I won't take him to court for custody of our daughter.
It's...eerie. After weeks of mad emailing, texting, phone calls, threats, yells, etc., he's behaving well. He's spending more time with his daughter than he ever did when we were together. He has food prepared for her, he readily changes her diaper, and yet...why do I feel so suspicious? Why do I feel that he's just itching for me to leave so he can drink? I know he's dirt poor right now because he chose to stay in our rather expensive 3 bedroom apartment, just to give his son continuity...but then, being poor never stopped an alcoholic from drinking...
I'm just wondering if all this "SuperDad" stuff is just an act, to make sure I don't drag him to court, or if it's for real...
If your daughter is a baby you'll certainly have a long time ahead to see what he does. I know I second guess alcoholics and addicts all the time. There is a certain tenseness there. When will the other shoe drop? I also know that nothing but nothing ever stopped the ex A from using. When he was homeless he still found a way to get drugs.
I know I never again want to look to see if someone is drinking. I also know that alcoholics and addicts are everywhere and there is no doubt I'll have to deal with them in some way a lot of the time.
I really try to keep the focus on me rather than on anyone else. For me that means continously coming back to me and how to care for me and my animal family.
Who really cares ? enjoy . Learn to trust your gut and intuition as to what his agenda is , if it walks like a duck , talk s like a duck it probably is , your dealing with an active A , they always have an agenda to get what they want . and will do and say anything to get thier needs met . Would u show up at a mediation drunk ? clever little devils that they are Your never going to figure out where he is comming from focus on what is best for your daughter and yourself = he will eventually show his true colors . and with a bit of luck he will turn out to be a great dad :)
-- Edited by abbyal on Friday 4th of December 2009 08:23:56 PM
I learned to hate change because It never came when I was expecting it. When I hunted for it I never found it and my life was ruined. When I stopped trying to control things and just accepted with gratitude and an open mind life got better for me. When I stopped trying to make everything come out the way I thought it should and how I thought I wanted it I could relax and see my alcoholic as a human being, child of God and a lot of the other good qualities she had. The program was right...It was me I had to change and no one else.
He's behaving well maybe because that is how he wants to do things for now.
(((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Friday 4th of December 2009 08:15:30 PM
When I find myself thinking like this rolling things around in my head remembering that my HP is in control and I just need to focus on me because I can't control what is going to happen anyway the best I can do is Trust HP and realize that things are exactly as they are supposed to be according to his plan when I trust him and stay out of the way.
