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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Relapse is more than using again.
Post Info TOPIC: Relapse is more than using again.
Debilyn


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Relapse is more than using again.
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Saying Relapse is part of being an addict, is true.

It does not have to mean the addict is using again, they can also relapse into addictive behavior, which sadly almost always ends up with the addict using again.

Relapse is a processs. The addict who has had a strong program for many years, starts to not go to meetings, or slowly stops the new healthy behaviors that helped them remain clean, has a high chance of using.

 However, many addicts catch themselves and get right back on their program. Using is only a symptom, just like lieing, manipulating, selfishness, low blood sugar etc.
This is what makes a 12 step program, therapy, only being involved with non A's or other A's in recovery helps the A to remain in recovery.

Just because addicts relapse does not mean there is not hope that we won't be able to share good time with the one we love.

Even non addicts revert into some of their less attractive behaviors. Everyone who is married knows that!

I always say for me, I just cannot go through it again. To have things be going just easy with normal type bumps, to all of a sudden a completely opposite person from who he was a min. ago. But this is my esh. Also sadly because of brain damage, my A can be very physically abusive.

I have also learned it depends on the drug the person is in recovery from, or drugs. There are so many variables.

As we have evidenced here, A's go into recovery and we hear it is worse than it ever was. Or they go to rehab and come back and they are not the same person.

If the non A goes to Al Anon there is a high chance, over 80%, that the relationship will last and be a lot easier to relate to our A.

All the knowledge there is to learn will help us to understand our A as much as it is possible. For me knowledge has been  a HUGE part of findging serenity.

Love,debilyn




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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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canadianguy


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Interesting post.... 

I don't think there are many reliable "statistics" through AA or anywhere else, for us to validate what percentage of A's relapse, and definitely not any stats, to your point, of how many Al-Anons "relapse"....  I do know, from experience, that some A's "truly recover" and become sober, in every sense of the word....  Some get partially there, while others relapse time & time again....

I guess my take on it - is I think there is hope for those who choose recovery.....  A's who choose to stay in their disease have very limited futures....  likely the same could almost be said for us as well - if we choose to not "get better" and learn/grow, then we stay stuck in our behaviors, that have been making us miserable...  I've always said that the choices that both the A's and we Al-Anons face are quite similar - it's just that the consequences of those choices seem far more direct and immediate for the A's...

Food for thought

Tom

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Debilyn


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I guess I am not making myself clear. A person who relapses does not have to end up using.

Relapse is a process. An addict does not just one day use. Usually it takes time where they begin the relapse by not going to meetings, not being honest, whatever is there recover program starts to break down.

Relapse does not just mean they used. Relapse can be they are off program, and heading in the wrong direction. Like I said, with their program of recovery they use their skills to get right back where they want to be.

Of course there are no precentages or stats that mean a thing. That is why I put there are too many variables. Numbers do not matter anyway.

Please read my post again, it was misunderstood.

debilyn

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
hotrod


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I have a difficult time thinking or sharing on the relapse process of the alcoholic/addict

I need to focus all my attention on myself and my behaviors so as I do not relapse and start worrying about the A.  I can then begin to read minds and actions and translate what I see into disaster.  I do that well.
Alanon has taught me that yes the A can relapse but I ned to focus on my program and he needs to foucs on his/theirs and possibly  we will make it.

ODAT, Focusing on myself I am doing fine.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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Christy


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I agree hotrod, focusing on whether they will or won't , or what it is or isn't, is a moot point when it comes to our recovery..
If I were to focus on if or when my A might relapse..or what would take him there, I couldn't enjoy the time we have in NOW.

Christy


 

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Debilyn


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In my last  post a newbie and member asked me what relapse was. That was what made me post this.

Education is important to me. I want to know the addict process. It helped me to understand A's better and to have more empathy for them. It made my life easier as this was how I could accept Addiction is a disease.

Part of Al Anon IS learning about addiction. To me it was so important to learn that the disease is not curable, it usually takes a recovery program to keep an addict from using, and that even an addict clean and on program can go back to using again.

I am not going to put my head in the sand about addiction because I am not an addict. It is important to ME to have all the facts of any disease someone has.

When my mother was living with cancer I researched like crazy. My brother has diabetes, I researched it like crazy.

Al Anon helpe me to realise I must take care of me first. Not to forget I need support too.

I never realized some al anon people had no interest in learning about addiction.

Learn something new every day! deb

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
tea2


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I remember from Beginner's Group that we learn about alcoholism as a Disease
and then we learn to place the focus on ourselves I can now look back with some knowledge although I choose not to stare.
Focusing elsewhere such as relapse The Three C's come to mind, I didn't Cause, I can't Control and I can't Cure it, so let it begin with me.
If I am looking elsewhere I am not working on me.


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Debilyn


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I have no idea what is making people take this personal! It was directed at NO ONE! 
What I posted is what I learned from A's, AA and research we did at OSU. I never once said to watch out for it, or not to focus on ourselves. Has zero to do with 3 C's or anything. I shared two people asked me my view on relapse.

I am sorry if one takes things personal that were not directed at them at all. In fact that is a skill I learned here at Al Anon. What the disease does or my A does is not personal. He or she does not wake up with this horrible disease looking to hurt ME.

Please know this is not personal! deb

-- Edited by canadianguy on Saturday 5th of December 2009 05:11:21 PM

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
hotrod


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Debilyn wrote:




I never realized some al anon people had no interest in learning about addiction.

Learn something new every day! deb



 Hi Deb,

That statement sounds personal to me

Alanon taught me that alcoholism was a disease and my part in this disease was that I spent all my time trying to fix the alcoholic over which I had no control and I lost myself. 

Alanon gave me tools to focus on myself, leave the A to his friends in AA and told me to spend my time and energy focused on why I do what I do and say what I say. 

This enabled me to find myself.

Take What you like and leave the rest.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Debilyn


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I wanted to edit my first post when I saw I was being  misunderstood. I almost always say it is MY ESH.

However a message comes up that says I don't have permission to do so.

This is my esh. Does not make it right or wrong. I love hearing all sides, always have. I have learned so much from others on here. I am no one special, never claimed to be.

I am a work in progress like everyone else. Many many times views on here have raised some great discussions. I never take it personal.

This is "my" esh. deb



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
serendipity


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I remember vividly the first time I saw the relapse coming. And all the tricks I tried to stop him from relapsing, trying to get him to recognise his impending relapse. Didn't work. He relapsed.

I remember the time not too long after that when I saw his relapse coming and insted of getting all tied up in knots trying to get him to "see" I started making plans for my future. I would say out loud in meetings that I felt like he was in the process of relapse (just hadn't used yet) but ofcourse I don't know for sure (although, I did know for sure....just didn't want to sound arrogant)

Anyway, when I learned to recognise the signs of relapse, it made my life a bit easier. I could see it coming. I could prepare any way I chose to. I could apperciate all the days I had with him that he wasn't actively using, etc.

So, yes, I focused on me but knowing the signs of his relapse saved my money, my time, my peace of mind and my life.

Today, without him in the picture, I am focused on the signs of MY relapse....a bit less clear for me :)

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Debilyn


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thoink you (o:
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As always you guys are so awesome! ALL of you. I honestly love how we can discuss things and not hurt each other.

I learned so much here. My comment about people not desiring to know about addiction just meant to me, that not everyone has to know every little detail like obsesseive/complulsive me!

Also Betty reminded me that I and we did research on addiction before Hp sent me to Al Anon here at mip. But I still married my A and did so many things wrong. It was Al Anon and the people at MIP that taught me what I really needed to know!

I know I am notorious for not getting what I meant to stay the first time. BUT I learned so much from your comments and agree 100%.

And I hate to admit, it made me think. Well I have so many tools in my bucket now, i like a bucket better than a tool box....that maybe I could live with  my A again. If he is on program, speaking program, living program, possibly we could have some more good time and he could be home where he belongs and wants to be.

Ok stop throwing things at me.

All I know for me, my ESH, is I am a cheesecake addict. And I head into relapse many times, oh I can have one bite, oh I can bring a whole one home and share it... ya right. NO and believe me after ice cream put me in the hospital... I won't touch dairy.

BUT.....in many ways I relate to using drugs. My drug of choice is pumpkin/chocolate/ cheesecake....love,debilyn
and ps it is poison to me!
`

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
MrsGratitude


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RE: Relapse is more than using again.
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Thank you for sharing this. 

What I have noticed most is that relapsed As lose their life vision. Their vision of what their life could be and their vision of the beauty and goodness they have in their life at present.

Mrs. G


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