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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A different approach?
Post Info TOPIC: A different approach?
Misshopeful


Newbie

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A different approach?
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Hi!

I have a question...although I realize it may be different from person to person I can't help wondering: what has worked best for most people with A spouses, is it better to be supportive and kind toward them, or is it better to "detach" yourself and express the pain and anger we feel? I'm not sure how to project myself to my AH.

I want him to know that I love him and that I will always hope for our family BUT, I also want him to understand that I am in pain and WILL NOT stand for this kind of abuse (for our kids too) anymore!

I'm torn between love and hate(maybe a strong word) and I just desperately want some kind of change.

Thanks a lot,
Misshopeful

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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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When I learned it was a disease. I detached and loved him, and knew it was the disease that was the culprit not my A.

So I set boundaries to protect me against the disease not the A.

I guess one would say to the A,"This disease really causes so much pain and confusion for the kids. I have to set some boundaries and consequences to help them with it."

To point it towards the disease not our sick A is showing them we know it is a disease and they do not do it on purpose.

But the boundaries must be very clear and the consequences too. Also we have to mean it and carry through. It can be very hard!

I still find it so eerie to look at him and see him but yet the disease can be controlling him.

He surely wants to protect you and the kids too!

love,debilyn

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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canadianguy


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi.... I'd really encourage you to get some help on this question - one good resource is "Getting Them Sober", volume one, by Toby Rice Drews....    It is definitely a question that we have all struggled with, and I think you can find your answers through resources like this one...

Take care
Tom

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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A different approach?