The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As most of you know, the month of Nov is a tough one for me, My AFather died that month, has a birthday that month, and pasted on Thanksgiving..So Yeah.. Rough Month, and THIS Year was the first whole year since he pasted...1st birthday in Heaven...
However... i think Oct. was harder, only because I was "Projecting" how I would "Feel" when "Those Moments" would arrise... I know that may sound off... But My Middle Name should be "Worry"... I decided, after making my 1st "Al-Anon Convenstion" That I"m done with that for now... And Honestly... Somehow it has Stuck...
I haven't been on line near as much, "Hints Why I haven't posted", because I have found that I spend more time on here listening too and learning from others lives.. (Which I LOVE) but ALSO... In Doing so... I haven't been looking as deep as I should at my own life... So that is what I have been doing....
I am so grateful for the love & Support I recieve from MIP and plan to still have & GIVE as a support to others, I just can't do it "Every day" like I was there for a while, paper work is get'n let go, audits need complete, year end stuff needs calulated and so the list goes on... As for all of us here i'm sure... Holidays are a biggy too...
I have an AWESOME Group of "F2F" people that meet me at my meetings, I have been doing some "Service Work" with one of my groups and LOVE IT... We have had some changes as well, the meeting we had for YEARS, they closed the building, and we couldn't find another place to gather...We all prayed on it, put some time in and HP Hooked us up with the help of AA. A nice Church that is accually only 5 minutes from my house, the other one was 15.. So That I LOVE...
I am coming up on my (1) Year in Al-Anon-ACOA and I could not be any more happy & content then I am currantly, I have found "Tools" to help me "Survive" My Family on the holidays, the Crazy, the worring, drama... and this past Thanksgiving was prob. one of the "Best" ones I remember in a REALLY Long time... Yeah my Abro & ASis are still Not on the best of terms, but that is their problem... I don't have to solve it, fix it or cure it... And too me... That is a HUGE Relief from were I was last year, tring to keep everyone from killling one another... Now I sit back with my Camera...lol... And Just pray for a Blessed Day...
About 2 weeks ago, went to the Doc, Found somethings she wanted to look into with some issues I was having... She sent me 4 tests.... The day I was there, I felt the Knots, the Churnings, the "CRAZY" coming back ...I Sat there....And when the Doc Left the Room... And at the VERY MOMENT... I Handed it ALL to God... I sat there, on the gurnie and did Step 1,2,3...1) Admitted I was Powerless 2) I came to believe & 3) Made a Decision to turn my will Over to the care of HP... That was ALL before I got out to pay my bill...lol
What a Blessing to have such a "Tool" to live my life by... When I left that room, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle, I did not stress, assume or see a reason for self pity... I just bucked up, and took what I had at the moment to keep me moving forward...ME
Yesterday was the test she had scheduled for me, & Yes I had thoughts and what not about it, but I did not obcess about it, did it with my head up and shoulders back... And just to make me feel better I schedule a GREAT Breakfast @ Bob Evans reguardless of results... :O) Taking care of me!!!! Welp... Results came back "Normal" Sooooo It was so the right way to tackle it, when I got home, I went "Christmas Crazy"... lol...
I dug out ALL my Christmas stuff (I wasn't sure I was going to do ANYTHING This year), I got lights dance'n all thru my house, it looks like a fiberoptic fire works show, and I sang Christmas songs from morning till night.. :) Well Till the Husband & Boy finally BEGGED I just "Quit"...lol...
I can now say I'm Proud of ME... I still have some work to do on my Health right now, some I can control, others I Just CAN"T... But that is OK... I now have the "Tools" to make it work, I now have the will Power to do it, and here soon, I see a "Sponser" coming to my life... I know I needed this Year to first figure out were I wanted my life to be... I still have issues "Asking for Help" (Hints Why I haven't ask ANYONE to Sponser me)... But I'm gett'n better... I'm using my "Phone Lists", and doing my steps, and now have a workbook I'm excited about starting the 1st of the year, so things are lookin up...
I could not be were I am without ALL Of you HERE... This was my (1st) Step..The 1st place that caught me when I was Fallin... When I lost my Afather to this disease last year..I honestly don't think I would have survived all the "Left overs" from his death, the running, paper work, belongings, the stress of doin it ALL By myself, with no help from Anyone but God above. This was my foot in the door, to finding out that "I DO EXIST", and I do so....Well... Thanks to the help of hundreds of Al-anon/ACOA... Thru Books, posts, hugs, love, fellowship and caring of one another, and of me personally ...
How do you say THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART to ALL that did this with me, and helped me see who and what I am capible of ...Mostly being Capible of Taking Care of ME... One Moment at a Time...
