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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Intuition, instinct, or just anxiety? In desperate need of some ESH...
Post Info TOPIC: Intuition, instinct, or just anxiety? In desperate need of some ESH...
shellyj123


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Intuition, instinct, or just anxiety? In desperate need of some ESH...
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I find myself today in a place that I can not seem to get myself out of, and Im not sure why.

 

I am schedule for surgery on December the 18th and it has me feeling completely off in every direction.  Now I have had 3 prior surgeries on different things and have always made it out ok.  Other than the last time, there was a problem getting my heart rate down and it was alarming to everyone including the nurses and Drs in recovery, not to mention me, who was in the process of coming to when it was happening.  I saw a cardiologist prior to returning to work and he found nothing out of the ordinary, however the nurse who did the stress test told me that there was a slight arithmia present, the Dr said I was fine and attributed it to the stress of the entire situation and the commotion of the recovery room staff around me upsetting me even more.

 

This time around I have to have an EKG and a chest x ray, according to my Drs this has to do with my age (I am over 40 now) and not with my past history, but Im not certain I believe that, as a co worker of mine just had surgery, is my age, and did not have to do any of the pre testing I have to do Friday.  I am a nerveous wreck for some reason that I just cant place and part of me says dont do it-just cancel the surgery.  I cant determine if that is my instincts/intuition (see I am just learning to trust my gut after years of NOT listening to myself) or my fear talking.  See like most AlAnons, when my life is going really well, and it has been lately, I tend to sit and panic and wait for the other shoe to drop and prepare for the worst that has always came next.

 

All my prior surgeries were at the old hospital-this time around I am going to be going to our newly built hospital, that VERY recently just opened.  Last time my EXABF came to recovery to pick me up and brought me home and took care of me for weeks-this time I am not in a relationship.  Last time I was not even remotely anxious or anything-this time every day that passes makes me more anxious.  My SIL has always been there going in and coming out and I KNOW she looks after me when it comes to what I want, etc before and after the procedure-she goes straight to the operating door with me and waits til I am knocked out before she leaves my side, so I am blessed there.  All my prior surgeries went off without a hitch, except the last one and that was the scariest of all, wondering if I was having a heart attack and listening to the commotion and cauious around me and not being able to do anything to help myself.

 

But again, here I am today, completely anxious and unable to determine why, or if I should trust my gut and just cancel it all and tough it out, or if I am just afraid this time around because so much has changed since my last surgery.  I find myself missing or thinking about EXABF way to much lately also and I'm guessing it is because of this pending surgery, and I find myself angry at him for making me do this alone and not caring anymore.

 

Ive tried pampering myself, bubble baths, taking it easy, reading, anything and everything I can think of and it is just NOT working.  I cant remember being this anxious in a long time and I can't imagine feeling like this til the 18th.  I'm not even sleeping anymore at night.  I tried today to go get a poinsetta for my office space and some Christmas candy and find my spirit but it's not working.  I am just sooooo down.  I'm sure the extra weight, hormone imbalance,  low self esteem caused by it, and worry isn't helping any but I just need to pull myself out of this hole and SOON!  I'm walking around today looking at all the wonderful decoratons and candy and just crying.

 

Any ESH would be GREATLY appreciated.

Thank you MIP family

 



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Christy


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Shelly,

I don't know that I can ease your angst, but the same thing happened to my son when he was just 15.  Although his was a outpatient surgery they had trouble getting his heart rate down afterward and the same happened.  Everyone was running around and concerned.  We had to stay a few extra hours until they managed it.

As far as a cardiology evaluation prior to the surgery, that's just a smart thing to do by you and the Dr.. 
My Mom had a stroke 20 yrs ago and recently had surgery.  You wouldn't believe the battery of tests she had to have.  They have to make sure the patient is in good health and cover their butts too.  It's just being thorough and extra assurance that all is well.
Maybe the friends Dr. isn't as conscientous as yours. 

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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Tattyhead


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Shelley - you really shouldn't worry about the EKG and chest Xray - both are perfectly normal tests prior to surgery. You mentioned you had a very fast heart rate after your last surgery and some arrythmias - so they would be negligent if they didn't do a check EKG just to make sure all is well this time.

It is also perfectly normal for you to worry about it but knowing you will be in good, capable hands should help.

You are doing all the right things in trying to relax and just think how much better you will feel when it all over.

Warm thoughts and prayers winging their way to you from this English nurse (who knows a little bit about these things!)

((((((((((Shelly)))))))))))

Tish xx



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Rita G


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((Shelly))

I hate that you are feeling so anxious about this upcoming surgery - and I truly understand the thoughts of trying to get yourself to "snap" out of it - but I have discovered sometimes in dealing with my emotions -

I need to feel my feelings and put the thru the Steps.

Journaling helps me do this . . .

Step 1 - I am powerless over my anxiety, fear and resentment about facing this surgery
Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than me can help me with these fears and restore my life to sanity
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn these feelings, thoughts, fears and resentments over to the care of my Higher Power

Writing letters about my feelings and then either burying, burning and/or shredding the letters as a symbol of giving them up to my HP also helps me truly Let Go and Let God heal me of those emotions.

Usually after working thru this process within a few days I can begin to feel the emotions easing and my sanity and serenity returns.

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers - that all goes well and you are feeling better soon!!

HUGS,
Rita


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Debilyn


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Shelly I have had several surgeries too. Seems the older I get, the more leery I am. We know too much now.

Going by what I know of you, I would think it may be the time of year, most everyone is uptight right now.

How are you with your HP? Sometimes I wake up and feel that anxiety. I think ok what is wrong, what did I go to sleep with on my mind? NOTHING. I immediately connect with my HP, give it up and next thing I know i forgot I was anxious.

I guess what I am saying is for me it is faith. Really knowing no matter what,everything will be ok.

I feel if we don't learn how to get it together and learn to live odat, and take things as they come, it won't be just surgeries we will feel anxious about, it will be just driving to the store!

Life is messy and not easy. Taking one day, not worrying about things that may never happen is such a freeing way to live.

We all do it, but in Al Anon we learn that skill to stop it.
Worry is such a waste. Anxiety is death, ruins our lives. For me when it was bad I learned to say stop and put in "everything is ok."

No I don't believe it is intuition or instinct. UNLESS you are seeing real solid reasons like hi bp or anemia or whatever. That is real.

Believe me your doc and assistants and aneth. doc are the last ones who would take a chance if you are not ok for surgery.

I hope letting it out helped. Talking to someone and letting it out should help too.Will you be there overnights or the one day thing?

hugs,debilyn

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Tenderheartsks


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The last two surgeries I have had (hernia repair in January 2009, and major stomach surgery 4 years ago), I had to have a chest xray and EKG. It's pretty much standard procedure at my small local hospital. I've always been in good hands with the medical staff, and have not had any worries.

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