When does it get easier?????? - Al-Anon Family Group

Andrea12 · ~*Service Worker*~

When does it get easier??????

grammie · Veteran Member

(((Andrea)))

Bless your heart, I dont think we have met..but I wanted to let you know that your not alone. I understand the pain of losing a loved one and how the holidays really affect us hard. However, you say you have a little g/daughter and you know she would love to see your decorations. HP sent her to you ..just so you could enjoy this holiday season, what a wonderful Christmas gift. Try to push through this sadness and get those wonderful memories up the stairs..your HP will help each step of the way. Prayers being sent to you today. ((Andrea))

Love in recovery, grammie

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

2 years, Id say ur still deep in the grieving process... give yourself plenty of time & space to grieve in. It took me 8 years to get over my exAH, and I left him!

Be extra kind and gentle with yourself right now. The Holidays are full of emotions and expectations, go slowly as u heal. It's ok to honor that space. There is no rush or time limit.

blender_girl · Senior Member

(((Andrea)))

Just wanted to hug you - I totally relate to feeling the grief and sadness after losing a loved one. It's OK to let yourself feel it so you can get to the other side. I get the waves of grief at the most unexpected moments myself.

Hope you can regroup enough to put things up for your baby g-daughter. I'm sure she will get a huge kick out of it and I'd be willing to bet that seeing her joy will ease your pain a bit.

take care, sweetheart...

bg

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

OR....
you could see it as a little sign from Chuck, that he's still right there with you smile

shellyj123 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Andrea))))

I like Christy's train of thought-sounds to me like Chuck might just want to let ya know he's still keeping an eye out for you:)

Two years isn't long sweetie. Give yourself time, and be good to you this holiday season.

We love you Andrea!!

Shelly

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

Sometimes it gets harder before it gets easier. I know you probably don't want to hear that. I can see you have some healing to do--it has only been two years.
I personally have never experienced your kind of loss. But..I almost lost my husband when he was"out" there. Not to diminish your loss.
I hope you find peace this holiday season--go ahead & decorate. You are right: if not for you, for the kids.
Kathleen

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey Andrea! I thought about what i said. I hope I don't sound insensitive or have stepped on your heart. I didn't mean to. Sometimes I "speak" before I think.
God bless.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Andrea the sleeping schedule might be from a bout of depression. I used a
therapist for a while along with the program and my sponsors and no meds.
It worked for me.  The solution for me was not trying to find the solution alone
within me because someone else has to carry the light for you now. If you
haven't got anything left for yourself you don't have anything for your gdtr
either. she on the other hand might have things for you. The little ones
also know how to love others unconditionally.     In support and loving you
like the rest of this family till you can get back to loving yourself.   ((((hugs)))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Andrea, sometimes it is good we can even get up at all. You are doing fine. One foot in front of the other, do what you can.

It gets easier a bit at a time. I did not feel me until seven years after. Even now, almost thirty years later, yikes, it will strike me and I will be sobbing. I found the time between the sobbing attacks get longer, but that pain never goes away.

How can it? When we lose loved ones it is horrible. But thank goodness, we heal slowly, and nice things like grandkids take our hearts and minds away.

Plus hon the holidays are so hard on people, most people. We hear family this and family that. See all these commercials....and here we are widows, or childless, or familyless.

It will get better.

You could just put a little thing of lights up .nothing fancy. Sometimes simple is nice. Sometimes making your own new traditions are nice.

Also I learned to get rid of things that brought back memories. Had to. I am like the opposite hoarder, cannot stand stuff.

Can ya get yourself out to the woods or beach or lake side or something out there in nature?

For me it heals me, like it is constant or something.

I hope you feel better soon. Scares me that I will probably will live to feel my no AH die. Even though he is not living with me, I still know it will kill me.

I feel a connection still and he is the only family besides my two kids I have.

I relate. hugs, and love,debilyn ps girl you have been thru so much lately, I am sure you are wore out!

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Given all you have been through this year I'm not that shocked you feel on overwhelm.

I'm not sure it does get easier for me. The ex A as far as I know isn't dead but he is certainly using so he is on course to be.

I grieve in different ways. I am glad you had great times with your husband. I didn't have too many with the ex A. His addiction had progressed far far along when I met him.

I know you have much to be grateful for. I'm glad you can share your feelings. I know for me when I work things through I get to a point where it doesn't swallow me up anymore. Nevertheless there is a lot of grief in me.

Maresie.

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