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I'm just curious if anyone has ever experienced with the A in their life a way that they finally were able to control their drinking? For instance, say that the drinking was always out of control, affecting eveything, and then the got to a point to where they were able to drink and not get out of control anymore?
My X-AH is a binge drinker, he'll drink and try to control it for awhile, but then something happens and he starts drinking hard alcohol and it turns into a week long binge where he can't function, he can't stop and ends up in the hospital. This has happened every year a few times a year for about 16 or so years. Now that he's no longer with me, I wonder if he'll be able to control his drinking and no longer binge because he's in a different environment?
I know, I know, I know that's it a dumb thing to think about or say and that I'm not supposed to focus on them etc etc...I just want answers!! So I just want to hear what others have experienced....
All A's try, hon. I have yet to meet a single one who has managed it. Once an A, always an A. A's cannot control their drinking, period. Its not about you or his environment. Its about a sickness that they cannot control. They have a disease. If he had cancer, it would not just spontaneously disappear if he moved to France. That is the crazy logic of an alcoholic speaking. Not gonna happen.
And don't feel bad for asking the question. All of us ask it. But once you have the answer, let it go and go on. Just ask, don't dwell.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I would guess if he's had this same pattern for 16 yrs., changing locations isn't going to change a thing. He still has the same disease, the same mind, the same body.
As far as I know there is no such thing as a controlled-active alcoholic. If a alcoholic is drinking, they're actively participating in the disease. There is, however , a slew of A's that will tell you it's possible.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
That so reminds me of me when I got into recovery. The list of questions far outweighed the answers and the answers never had anything to do with her and her drinking. So having experienced that just like you have one of the responses is that with the alcoholic usually the alcohol is in control and the alcoholic is always in the illusion of control. So if the alcoholic does reach some sort of control what does that have to do with you? If the alcoholic doesn't reach any sort of control what does that have to do with you? I will tell you that when my alcoholic stopped drinking for a period of time in AA it had everything to do with me and I got sooo p.o.'ed when I finally got the chance to tell her she wasn't an alcoholic in my opinion (not ever humble) she went back out for another 3 or so years. The alcoholic's drinking is none of my business ever but then I had to learn that didn't I? You're not dumb...you're growing.
Binge drinkers are a phenonema to me , they drink for a few weeks then stop for months , blows my mind but it is a common occurance u here about it in AA all the time . I doubt if ex has quit now that your not in the picture since u were never the reason he drank anyway, regardless of what he may have said . Let it go he is after all your EX.
All A's want to be able to control their drinking and part of the denial of the disease, is thinking that it can be controlled. If they could control it, they wouldnt be an A.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
No. They take their disease with them where ever they go. It's totally up to them when and where they decide to get sober. Doesn't matter who they are sleeping with, or how nice or "understanding" the new person is or how "witchy" you were. You have nothing to do with their disease. If you were that powerful, you would have made him stop drinking years ago. And that didn't happen.
An A cannot control their drinking.
And remeber that consuming alcohol is only 1 percent of the disease. The other 99 percent is mental. So, they could quit tomorrow but nothing would change.
My ex is "sober" but still has all the same behaviors as he did when drinking. In fact, his behaviors are worse than when he was using. And he is in AA. And I too thought that his new "victim" was going to be the one to change him or that they would ride off pefectly into the sunset together. It lasted about 18 months and then she had to get a no contact restraing order on him also.
There's so much more that I ould say about how unhealty he still is, but I don't have time. Today, dealing with me and my stuff is a full time job.
I can only speak of binge drinkers, because that's what I've got!!!! When my A decides to take a drink for whatever reason; he is sad, it is Tuesday...whatever...he does NOT stop drinking until he literally passes out. There is no taking a couple of drinks, then realizing he's had enough. I think that As, whether they binge or drink continuously, cannot stop at one or two. I haven't any experience at all with As other than my own, but I think they are all pretty much alike in their addiction.
Happy holidays!
Diva
-- Edited by Diva on Tuesday 1st of December 2009 09:33:49 AM
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I like others have never heard of an Alocholic who was able to control their drinking for any extended period of time. The disease will wait as long as it needs to again take over the mind, body, and spirit. I would compare it to climbing Mount Everest. Many have attempted, few have succeded, but the odds of climbing Mount Everest are probably much greater than an Alocholic being able to control his or her drinking.
My A is not a binge-drinker... just an every single night drinker. I've stopped counting, because it really doesn't do me any good, but I think he usually polishes off a six-pack a night.
This may seem controlled... but the reality of it is his body definitely has a real dependence on alcohol because if he decides to not drink for a couple days, he gets particularly nasty or restless.
Whether they're bingeing or having a six-pack every single night, it's important to remember the alcohol is simply just a symptom of the disease.
My dad was an A for the first 15yrs of my life and sober and in AA for the last 21yrs until he passed away last year. My boyfriend is an A and I used to talk with my dad a lot about our situation. My dad said it's the first drink that gets them drunk not all the ones that follow because they are alcoholics and most of the time they can't stop after that first one. Controlling their drinking is only an illusion to them. Just my opinion take what you want and leave the rest. Holly
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
