The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well we made it through Thanksgiving without any problems.My A was really easy to get along with this year.I could almost faint. He still drinking but slowed down some and I noticed a change .I guess I'm always in fear of the calm before the storm.Kinda like ,okay this is going great but for how long ? I can count on it not lasting but why can't I make my self enjoy it for the time being ? I'm an optimist but am feeling Soooo pessimistic these days.I hate feeling this way.
Try looking at your expectations and resentments. I used to have a hard time just enjoying the nice days because I expected that my A could make sure all my days were nice if he really wanted to. Sounds like a big fat resentment, right? Well it was, and resentments take the fun out of life. It is not possible for my AH to give me a nice day. That is something I must do for myself no matter what he is doing.
I couldn't enjoy today being a nice day, until I could first not attribute a "nice" day to something the A did, and second, let today stand alone without projecting into tommorrow. So what if the other shoe is going to drop tommorrow. Life is like that whether we live with an A or not. Stuff happens that is hard and we cannot control that. That has nothing to do with Aism.
And that was part of my problem, too. I used to attribute every hard time to Aism. Any little thing that went wrong inmy life could be blamed on it. That's a really handy way for me to shirk responsibility for my own life and happiness, isn't it. Oh yes, I was good at that.
Anyway, I hope this helps, if it makes any sense. LOL
In recovery, Jen
Just For Today
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today I will be happy. Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will study, I will learn something useful. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out: If anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I do not want to do- just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, act courtiously, refrain from criticizing and fault-finding. I will not try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. This will save me from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. Some time during this half hour, I will try to get a beter perspective of my life.
Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.
From Al-Anon Family Groups
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I am a victim of my own "anticipation of problems even when things are going smoothly".
I used to do this a LOT more than I do now. It finally dawned on me one day that I was only making myself miserable doing this. I recall I was in a state where I just was not sure if I was going to divorce my AH or not. I had a major purchase in mind and was agonizing over making the purchase because I wasn't sure if it would be a good move just in case.
My HP must have been speaking to me that day, because I recall thinking, "This is ridiculous. I'm postponing my desires on fears of a future I have no idea will come". It was at that point I made a decision to LIVE and let live. I made the purchase, and here I am, a year and a half later and still no divorce. ;)
It helps me to remember to live in the NOW. Yesterday is past, the future is uncertain, right now is a gift - that's why it's called "the present".
You're right I'm just full of resentment I can't seem to enjoy today.I need to work on that and live for today and stop worrying about tomorrow,next week,next year.Everything you said made sense.Thanks =)
I am making myself miserable worrying and anticipating what my A will do next.I just feel resentment torwards him.I spent so much energy trying to show him I love him with little in return and when I finally decide ...Enough ! I am done! He is now starting to be nice.I don't trust my jugdement anymore.I am constantly questioning myself.I guess I just feel as though this is another trap I'm about to fall into. When will I learn.? It's like being on the brink...jump or not ?
