Welcome, Sheila, you are in the right place.  It sounds as if you are in a lot of pain and turmoil right now.  Please know that everyone on these boards has been in a similar condition of pain, and have found that with support life absolutely can get better again, and not only back to "normal" but better than it ever has been.  I hope you can also look up your local Al-Anon meetings and get to one as soon as you can.  Face-to-face support is also wonderful and invaluable.  There are meetings every day in many places.  Try several of them to find the one that fits you best.

I also know that feeling of guilt and remorse after I've erupted and lost my cool.  It's essential for me to acknowledge my part in it.  But it's also true that argument require two people to show up for the fight.  Just because I share in the situation doesn't mean I'm the whole cause of the situation.  If we had that much control -- to make rational people blow up even though they don't want to -- how much power we'd have!  Enough power to stop alcoholics drinking, even.  But everyone has power over themselves only.

I'm guessing that you're right in thinking that things have gotten way out of control.  Yur boyfriend has also been not drinking (or if he's like my ex, hiding his drinking) for a month, and if he's like the usual alcoholic, the pressure has been getting stronger and stronger and the craving worse and worse.  I finally figured out that arguing had a bonus side-effect for my ex -- he got to be "rightfully" upset at my behavior, which means he was "entitled" to drink.  So he'd start drinking, which would make him more volatile, and then when I reacted to that (not a good Al-Anon response, but I hadn't found Al-Anon yet), we'd get into a fight, and then he felt even more entitled to drink.  Meanwhile I was castigating myself for being so argumentative.  But the elephant in the room was the drinking.  My goal was to get along; his goal was to drink without anyone interfering. 

I declared I was leaving a number of times.  I didn't have a lot of awareness and I didn't really know how to take care of my emotions (I wish I'd found Al-Anon a lot sooner).  So the plans to leave or to kick him out were just more turmoil.  When I finally did ask him to leave, it was after a lot of consideration, with planning ahead.  I asked him calmly, and he left calmly.  That was the way I could stick to it. 

I know what we all want, alcoholics and co-dependents, is not to have so much turmoil and pain in our lives.  The alcoholics go to alcohol to escape -- but that just passes the pain on to someone else.  The rest of us can escape by changing our lives.  Al-Anon can be a big part of that.  Please keep coming back, attend meetings, keep learning, and know that you are not alone.  And that you are worthy and can get through this no matter what your alcoholic thinks or does.

Aloha Shiela and boy do I identify with where you are at.  I can't remember if I
stayed in a hotel but I've used the couch at work and my car and at a time or
two my own apartment.    I came to call the condition my between a rock and
a hard place condition.    It is common place for alcoholism...very.  That he has
his own thoughts about the situation and you have your own are actually how
things are suppose to be however I learned that the saner the thoughts and
action were was one of the purpose of my own program of recovery.  The 2nd
of our 12 steps says "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves
could lead us to SANITY."  I read your post and see my past and revisit the
insanity of addiction that ruled our lives.  Actually it was better that I be away
from it (office couch, apartment or car) than in it even though it wasn't what I
was compulsed for or comfortable with.  Being out of the problem actually is
and was better and the Al-Anon Family Group program teaches me to be out
of the problem where ever I am at.

You are powerless over him, it, them, that, there everything and need to attain
and maintain at least some self power although that is fleeting too.  Where I
learned it was inside the rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups and with that
fellowship and the literature and sponsorship and more.  This disease can and
will kill its victims and not all of its victims drink and use; some don't even touch
the stuff.  So maybe from the safety and quiet of your hotel room you can call
the hotline number for Al-Anon (white pages of your telephone book) and get a
live person and or the recording of where and when the meetings are at. 
Certainly there is little to no disturbance against contacting your Higher Power
how ever you describe a Higher Power to be and asking for support.  Your
man doesn't have the ability to be the reason for your peace of mind and your
serenity.  If you are depending upon a sick person for your health you are also
in need of change lessons.  If he is using and or drinking he is altered, less than
normal human, more than powerless; he cannot be the source of your serenity
and you might need to accept that others can help you get it.  That is what
this forum can do for you.

In support...(((((hugs)))))