New here and have a question - Al-Anon Family Group

jewelsmama · Newbie

New here and have a question

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

This is a good place to vent. I have been venting here for years. That venting certainly helped me.

I can certainly empathize with enormous frustration at dealing with people who use and abuse. I lived with a drug addict alcoholic for years. I raged and raged and raged at him.

I think its great your husband has a therapist who seems to know something about addiction. That is one step. That certainly shows some willingness.

Many many people switch addictions. As far as I know pain pills have always been around.

I do hope you will give al anon a chance to go to meetings if you can. If not you can certainly come here and learn more daily. There is a chat room here that is very welcoming.

There are numerous skills that will help y ou deal with the alcoholic/addict. One is to "detach", focus on yourself rather than on them and remove yourself from arguing with them. I know when I finally decided to do that (I always had a reason to argue after all !), things changed tremendously for me. For one I had a lot more energy to give to myself. Focusing on myself was important.

I did not have children with the ex A. We did have pets though and I am certain that his behavior and of course my own out of control behavior affected them enormously. You are very right to have concerns about your daughter. The best thing you can do for her is to look at al anon and other resources for yourself. The choice of how to leave, when to leave, if to leave at all will get much easier if you have some skills to lean on and most of all support.

Welcome.

Maresie.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Al-Anon was founded to deal with those affected by alcoholism, but it became clear that alcoholics and other addicts have the same kinds of problems and reactions, and cause the same kind of pain and grief for others. So you are in the right place. And many, many of us are dealing with addicts who switch their "substances" around. When my alcoholic husband was trying to quit alcohol, he thought pills would be a good way to get him off the alcohol! Tranquilizers, pain pills, you name it, he took them. He also does compulsive buying and hoarding, and for a while he was gambling compulsively. He takes whatever addiction he can get.

As you've seen, explaining what's wrong with his addiction doesn't work. If it did work, there wouldn't be any addicts left in the world. I explained till I was blue in the face. But the addiction makes them crazy. To change, they have to come to the realization themselves; no one else can make them do it. The Three C's: "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it." And the sad fact is that statistically most addicts do not recover. That's a hard truth to face. The good part is that we can change, and that changes everything. Go to meetings as much as you can, face-to-face and/or the online meetings here. You can develop the ability to "detach with love" and to give you and your daughter the good secure life you deserve.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello and welcome , u cannot save her daddy but u can improve your quality of life for your and your daughters sake . Yes your husb was a drinker and u can attend Al-Anon meetings for yourself , there is also a program for families of addicts called Naranon , a local treatment centre could probably direct u to a meeting . Try both and see where your more comfortable .
good luck Stop trying to make your husb see the light , until he says what he's doing is causing him a problem It ISNT its causing you a problem . Lectures dont work , shamming them dosent work , threats dont work , tears don't work threats to leave don't work . until he says enough there is never enough .
I was not ready to leave my marriage either and I believe working thisi program is what allowed me to stay , I learned to get my life back to get h appy regardless of what he is doing , focus on my own needs for a change . Give our program 6 months if u can before making a life altering decission . as your perspective changes , life gets easier for all of you . Louise

-- Edited by abbyal on Monday 30th of November 2009 02:06:45 AM

jewelsmama · Newbie

Thank you all for your support!!! I really do appreciate it more than you could ever know!!! I will def look into the Naranon, but would also like to use Al-anon as well. I like the fact that I attend meeting here on-line!! I really allows me no exuses not to attend!! I will also try to find some Naranon meeting in my area!! It sure is nice to know that there are people out there going through what I am going through!!! To know that I am not alone is a comforting feeling!!!!! Thank you all and God Bless!!!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha JM...and welcome. The suggestion that worked for me and continues to work
for me is Al-Anon. My spouse was dual addicted and there was no Naranon back
then so AA and Al-Anon was available. Long story short, this is where I was
directed and this is where I have stayed although I have tried other programs. I
was free to do that and always returned, or maybe never truely got too far away
from Al-Anon. The twelve steps and twelve tradition program have AA for their
tap root and it works.

Though your spouse might not be using alcohol to alter his mind, body, spirit
and emotions he is still using so don't let the substance confuse your search for
your own peace of mind and serenity. Al-Anon works and if you stick around MIP
for any length of time and read the post you will arrive at that conclusion yourself.
You are then free to follow the suggestions and find a miracle of your own. Your
miracle is within you and not your alcoholic/addict.

Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

I just want to welcome you to MIP. Yes, you are welcome in Al-Anon no matter what the substance your A is currently using. Most of them try different substances/addictions as they struggle with trying to control it themselves. Eventually the lucky ones learn that they cannot control the use of any substance and hopefully will look for help.

The most important thing for you is to find support and learn the tools that will help you find peace and happiness for you and your little one, whether he is still using or not. Please look for some face2face meetings and keep coming back and sharing, reading, and learning. You will find help and hope, without judgement.

In recovery,

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.