Tired of the rollercoaster of emotions - Al-Anon Family Group

sdisnie · Senior Member

Tired of the rollercoaster of emotions

DreamsOver · Senior Member

I hear you.

My emotions are tied not to a AH but to a AS, but the pain is the same.

The dreams, oh the stupid dreams! You can't escape even when when you are asleep.

Misery plain and not so simple.

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Totally understand the sadness. I have an A son so a little different circumstance but the pain is all consuming sometimes. Awake, asleep it invades all aspects of our lives.
I was ( and still am) devestated that my son chooses his drugs over a loving supportive family but have come to understand that at this point nothing comes before the drugs.
I sincerly doubt that your husband with this new girl will control his drinking. More likely she allows the behavior and doesn't try to come between him and the drink.
prayers going your way

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi shanda, well you sure sound like me a few years ago. For me it is over thirty years of AH and me. Thru so much life, death etc. together.

He moved in with this using gal. Of course he did, he can sit and smoke, drink, other drug himself to death. no one to complain. The disease loves to be where it is made more comfortable.

I remember in my first marriage I thought the same thing. If he left would he quit drinking and he is not mine anymore? Woulda been better than him being dead.

Takes lots of hard work honey to get over what you are feeling. The dreams are you still trying to reach out to him.

We have to go through the grieving process, you are an open wound.

I took my kids on lots of day trips, just doing nothing really. To the mountains the beach, just out driving. Got us away for awhile.

Lotsa anti stressors for you, bring some good feelings into your life. I mean do things that fulfill you, even if it feels like cardboard right now.

Right now it is so windy it is scaring me. I am alone out here on five acres. Was so scared I came out of my bedroom into the living room. Then went outside to check on my horse. thinking how I don't want to be alone! The sky was on fire for awhile! i fed my horse again and stood by him hugging him so tight.

Where is he? I do relate.

Glad you shared, keep doing that. it helps. Keep breathing out that pain. It will get better.
love,debilyn

Loupiness · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Shanda)))

I was with my AH for 26 yrs total when our marriage ended. Three kids, a home, a business... I understand. He is now living just a short distance away with his A g/f and her two kids (part-time). It is in my face all the time. They moved in together in Sept., when her husband said he would no longer pay her rent. My ExAH is sober. Her? I have no idea. Its been two and a half years since he left and has been with her. Just now, the sting is starting to lessen. It sucks. It truly does take time and al-anon. I knew all about how I was supposed to respond, and supposed to feel so that I could recover, feel peace, and move on, but I learned it cannot be forced or willed. It is true that "you get there when you get there". It just slowly becomes a part of you. That said, I still am not "there", not by a long shot, but I do know that many things are better.

I, too, have that part of me that thinks his new life is glorious now that he is sober and started a new life with someone else. But, what I also know, is that he took himself with him and brought her into the mix (and she is crazy!). Refraining from substance abuse is only a small part of sobriety and sanity, for there are still all the personal/emotional issues that cause the need for the numbing of the pain.

The struggle I had for so long was hanging onto the relationship/marriage/family that I wanted, and what I thought could and should be. Here is the thing.... it wasn't, none of it, and never would have been. I wasn't happy. It took being out of the chaos for quite a while to be able to see it for what it really was. My chance for happiness (which really is my ultimate life goal) is possible now. God does have a plan for me, and He does for you too.

Hang in there, Shanda, I know it hurts.

Blessings,
Lou

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

"I know it all, I preach it to others...but I'm sorry...It's hard to let go..."

You took the words right out of my mouth, as they say. I feel the same way. And, the "Everything happens for a reason. You'll be much happier..." nonsense is just so much lip service being paid by someone who has never known mind-numbing emotional pain. It may be true that everything happens for a reason, but everything does not happen for a GOOD reason.

"I can't say, 'Nice knowing you. I am good to go.'"

Neither can I. But there is one thing I DO believe, and that is that when the time is right, we will both be able to take up our lives and happily too. Until that time comes, hang on and keep smiling.

I wish you all good things, and happy holidays,

Diva

-- Edited by Diva on Sunday 22nd of November 2009 11:33:58 AM

alanonicScotland · Veteran Member

What works for me: Yoga, Getting around people. Volunteering.

peace.

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I absolutely do not doubt anymore that the disease of alcoholism and addicton progresses and that no one but no one can stop an alcoholic from drinking but themselves.

Maresie.

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