The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello alanon family. New here and I am truly qualified . I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for 4 years, had been married to an addict, folks were alcoholic, brother alcohlic/addict. I am very familar with alanon, but got cured and left for awhile. I have read your board here for the last few months. I just didn't want to listen to what I was hearing. I wanted to manipulate situations. I thought that would work better for me.
In this relationship When things were good they were great. However, his lack of work and drinking up his unemploymnet money made me carry the load, although he did do a lot of work around and to my home. I tried to talk to him about my negative feelings about this but he would not talk to me. The lack of work and the rejection of looking for work really got him depressed and drinking. I thru this guy out of my home in July in a rage that had been building for months. He was not looking for work, getting drunk while I was at work, you know the drill. When things were good we communicated, when they were bad we went inside of our heads and built resentments. After I through him out I stayed away from this man for a couple of months until I heard he had a new girlfriend and they were going to marry. At the same time I got pretty sick and was and still am on some pretty powerful meds. Steroids and a lot more. I am responsible for my actions because I knew that the drugs were affecting me. I am making excuses for my behavior. ugh!
Anyway I took the attitude that I needed to stop this guy from marrying this gal and called his friends and him, wrapping the insanity up by sending an email to him trying to talk some of my sick alanon sense into him, apologizing for my behavior and professing my love. He sent the email to his mom. Told him I was attaching fishing pics of him and only attached my pic. God I am sick.
So I am going to the first alanon meeting I can hit and see if I can keep this lesson from being repeated. I am embarassed and ashamed. Thank goodness time is marching on and I only need to focus on getting to that meeting and thank goodness for here too.
Thanks for letting me start on the road to recovery with you!
Welcome back. Please don't be too hard on yourself! You have a terrific awareness of your part in the illness, maybe with alanon's help you will be able to gain acceptance as well. I think almost all who post here have stories of their own crazy behavior. It's part of the disease.
It sounds like you have a great chance now to work on your recovery. Good luck and keep coming back.
Glad you are back and sounds like you need to be kind to yourself. Keep posting and letting things out and it makes you feel better. No you are not nuts, just a little insane from the disease. LOL
-- Edited by wildthang86 on Saturday 21st of November 2009 03:25:44 PM
I've so been there....the things these A's make us do...I mean really. I have been investigator, detective, snoop, you name it. The fact is, your not nuts. I'm sure most of us have been in that position. We do everything we can for our A's and in the end, we seem to be the ones who get shafted and have so much healing to do while they do whatever they want, with no consequences..... Stay strong...
Welcome to MIP. The beauty of recovery is that we can restart it any time, any place and as many times as we want to. You show great self awareness, so I am sure you will get back on tack. Just don't be so hard on yourself. Recovery lets us move forward. Sometimes we slip. I've slipped so many times it's a good thing I've got padding back there. Enjoy your meetings. It's nice to go back. Please keep coming back to us. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Nuts = not using the steps - That is so true. Thank you. Thanks to you folks that said don't be so hard on yourself. I see I have the warped perspective of an alanonic. Lots of work to do but not impossible one step at a time. Top of my list today is digging out my alanon books in the back of my closet at the bottom of a box.
Went to a meeting last night and had forgotten the serenity that comes from just walking into the room and feeling that acceptance. The unconditional acceptance of alanon. I will pray today that my hp will fill me with acceptance and help me keep my head pointed to the future.
