Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> The ticking time bomb
Post Info TOPIC: The ticking time bomb
Holly09


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 88
Date:
The ticking time bomb
Permalink  

That is what I feel my A boyfriend of 7 yrs is right now.  He grew up in a family that didn't discuss how they felt and this is how he is now, the time bomb part is that last year he lost his mom to lung cancer and I also lost my dad to lung cancer.  Both times he does what the A does to make them selves feel better (or so they think).  His younger brother only 42 was just diagnosed with lung cancer my bfriend is devastated.  At first he seemed OK you know sad and upset but not unstable, well last night I saw the truth.  He came home from work late had been drinking and went out to his shed (this is where he drinks because if he brings it in the house it caused issues and he knows it) without even telling me.  I waited a half hour or so and went to see if he was alright and sure enough he was drowning his sorrows.  We did discuss him not talking to me about his brother and then I told him the same thing I told him when his mother died that I would not watch him self medicate and that it effects the whole family and you know what happens after that....he moved on to it's my problem and everything else I have done wrong in the past.  So I went back up to the house.  I have 3 sons 14 not his 5 and 1 are his.  To make a long story short I gave baths to the 2 youngest and the bfriend decided that he would bring his beer up to the house so I got the kids in their pj's and went to my moms.  We didn't come back until almost 10:00pm and I was hoping he would be in bed but wasn't we had a few words before I left so I guess he wasn't done.  He tried to talk to me and ask why we can't get along (we do when he doesn't drink) all I said is we do get along and kept watching TV and he got the hint and went to bed.  I don't know if me going to the shed to check on him was the right thing to do.  I'm not sure where to go from here but I do know this is not working.  I haven't been on here for a long time boy have I missed you guys.  Thanks for listening.  I will trying to figure out what I need to do.  Holly

__________________

You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Holly you did what I would have. As far as checking on him, if he was not using I am sure you would have checked. He has so much he cannot deal with.

I think though when we go to them when they are messed up, it opens the door for them to engage with us. They may anyway but....

Can you get to meetings? We have them here too. It helps so many to go into the chat room to talk it out with someone.

Did you read, "Getting Them Sober?" That sure helped me.

I am sad you have lost so many to cancer. Such a very, very horrible disease.

Do you have a support system of friends, family?

This is not much different than someone dieing from cancer. His chances are much higher to get those bad cells growing, using.

I will say what I always do, it is my esh that the non A in the relationship needs to live as if the A was not there. Own car, your name on the house, education, a way to support me and or my kids,medical insurance all of it as if he was not there. We would not depend on a cancer patient to care for us.

With marriage the way it is anymore I would never combine incomes or anything anymore. I would have mine, he his and one for us both to put money in. We can always share but always protect ourselvse.

I have life insurance on my A. Thank goodness it was gotten before he had his cancer diagnosed.

He has got to be scared to death. you too!

Keep coming! love,debilyn

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> The ticking time bomb