I've fallen...how do I get up? Reconnecting with HP - Al-Anon Family Group

Rora · Senior Member

I've fallen...how do I get up? Reconnecting with HP

david62 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi (((Rora)))

As I read through your list of "relationship qualifications" for your HP, "It can be, or not be exactly what I want it to be. I can pretend that HP is there, guiding me, believing in me, sheltering me, holding me. It's nice pretending that I always have someone to turn to, who will be there for me. Someone who will listen to me and understand me. Someone who is in my corner. Who loves me unconditionally." I just kept checking the yes box beside each one as it applied to how I feel about my Al-anon groups.

For me that is where my relationship with my HP started. Experiencing that a group of people that I barely knew, from all walks of life, some of whom I would not normally associate with, was all those things you mentioned was/is very powerful and humbling to me. I knew there was definately something special out there. A spirit of unconditional love that was there for me.

It was just the beginning. The relationship with my HP continues to evolve and grow inside me.

HP just needs a place to get our attention. Whether that is through the kindness of another person giving me a hug at an Al-Anon meeting, or by using a tractor trailer truck to get my attention. smile

Keep coming back!

Yours Still in Recovery,
David

babysteps · Senior Member

Wow Rora, I could have written your post only I didn't know how to put it into words. Thanks for doing it for me! I have recently realized how altered I am from years of living with an active A. Once we split I didn't think I needed al anon in my life, but I was wrong. I don' t have any words of wisdom except It Works If You Work It. Any serenity and progress toward my future as a result of alanon is good.

Tiger2006 · ~*Service Worker*~

I doubt your relationship with your higher power is imaginary; I believe it has changed, which shows the program is working in your life. As the program becomes more and more integrated in our lives, we begin to challenge our pre conceptions. We have to surrender what we know, and let go of what is familiar, to grow and have god fill us up. I think also that this is a lull in your faith; if you keep at it, just keep showing up, etc you'll find that, one day, you'll see the logic there. Melody Beattie calls it "peaks & valleys"
More will be revealed.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Rora for me, I honestly believe there is a higher power who created everything.I have seeen evidence in my own life that there is something bigger than myself who makes the final decisions as I do the footwork.

For me knowing there is a hp, I relaxed, things are still hard at times, but there is that strong foundation that I know will take care of it all.

It may not be how I would want it or think it will be either. I accept the outcome. No matter what the outcome is.

It is not up to me to judge what hp decides for me.

I hope you find what you are looking for. love,debilyn

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

This seems like a philosophical question, even bigger than an Al-Anon question.

For me, I think the question of a HP "out there" is unprovable -- who knows? Things that are unprovable make me doubt myself and get tangled up in doubts.

One thing I am sure of is that there is a drive in all of us to take care of ourselves and get to where we can live life healthily and joyfully. A lot of things interfere with that, but that's why we're all here. That's why in the middle of chaos and craziness we all say, "it can't be that it's supposed to be like this. There has to be a better way."

Now how that drive and conviction got in us, who's to say. It could be a reflection of a HP, something given to us at birth to help direct our lives towards health and joy. It could be a profoundly human thing, that part of us always seeks to find the right way. It could be a biological thing: that's the way we're wired. It could be several or all of these. But it's very clear to me that it's there. When I'm trying to connect with that force that wants the best for me, that will always be with me, and that knows how I'm feeling and cares, I know it's inside me. Sometimes it gets out-shouted by external forces, and sometimes I believe those external forces for a while and argue with that part of me that knows what's best for me. But it's still there. Don't you think you have one too? It's even the voice that's trying to sort out whether your support is imaginary or not. Wherever that voice comes from, we can see that it's there. At least that's the way I think of it. It might also be that all our voices together, like on these boards, are a larger version of that voice. I don't think that a HP has to be something or someone "out there"; it can also be "right here."

As always, if this doesn't seem appropriate, take what works and leave the rest.

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Rora
For me I have found that I don't just need to pray to my HP but I need to listen and look for signs that HP wants me to take. The listening and looking was the hardest part for me. I believed that everything would magically change if I prayed hard enough.
I find when I fight the road HP has set forth things turn out badly for me. Of course then I blame HP. But when I look back at the choices that had been set forth I find I once again had to take the hard way if that makes sense.
Also hard for me to accept was that things happen in HP time not mine. Frustrating at times.
I don't believe for a minute that HP is just in my imagination. I may be in chaos now but when I look back at all the blessings I have recieved ( even my A son) no way I was powerful enough to produce those blessings.
I turned my back on HP many many years ago and it was a shock for me to realize that he never turned his back on me. When I hit my bottom.. I literally was on my knees praying for help. I mean I had tried everything else. And my HP was there just waiting for me ask.
Whew what a relief.
My journey is going to be life long but I now can take comfort that I am not on this journey alone.
Now.. do I slip at times and think I can do HP's job better. You bet I do. Again never turns out well for me.
This week has been especially tough for me. Not sure why but I had a relapse in my own recovery and also had doubts.
By the time I got myself off the pity pot and back on track I am doing much better.
Wow I have rambled on and on
Hope some of it made sense

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.