Trusting your higher power - Al-Anon Family Group

jasobel · Veteran Member

Trusting your higher power

Tattyhead · Senior Member

Jas - your HP didn't make your ex leave you - he chose to do that himself. Your HP will give you the strength to come through this - if you let Him.
It could be that your Ex, through AA , has realised how much harm his drinking has done to you. You are not going to see any of this now - it just hurts too much. Keep the Faith, keep going to meetings, vent on here and pray that you will come through this stronger, wiser and able to move on. But - take care of yourself. You are grieving and hurting so be kind to yourself, take comfort from friends - remember - one day at a time.

Love and ((((hugs)))), Tish xx

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi J

I am so very sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I understand your deep faith and belief in HP and the questioning of the recent events in your life.

My Higher Power has worked in painful and mysterious ways in my life as well. I did not get an answer to the question WHY

All I can suggest is that the First 3 Steps were invaluable when I was in such pain and could not understand WHY.

I Cann't, He Can, Let Him.

Meetings, AlAnon calls, going into the chat room would help to feel connected .

Praying for your peace.

-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 19th of November 2009 06:06:56 PM

jasobel · Veteran Member

Thank you Tish. I want to pray to my HP to have him come back. He was sober most of the time we were together. I don't know why he left. I just keep praying for strength and reading Alanon literature.

jasobel · Veteran Member

I have not heard this - thank you for writing! I will definitely use that in my letting go process:

I can't,
He can,
Let him.

Thank you for sharing that. I learn something new everytime I come to this board. Thank god you all are here.

Jill

sdisnie · Senior Member

I not only hear your pain, I feel your pain. I totally understand what your going through and how you feel. I've been there...more than once with my ex AH, whom we've been together for 20 years, since we were 17 years old...highschool sweethearts. He's left me a few times, while drunk, while sober. Either way, it hurts, because we always felt we belonged together forever. Or maybe I just did?

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better and ease your pain. The fact is, I've been in your place, I'm in your place right now and we seek for answers everywhere, in everyone and hope that somehow we'll get an answer. Maybe some day we will. There is never any rhyme or reason to anything they do. They hurt us over and over again and for whatever reason, we keep taking it. The only thing I can say is only time, talking to friends, Alanon, online postings can help get you through this terribly painful time.

(((((HUGS))))))

Shanda

jasobel · Veteran Member

Shandra - thank you for posting your understanding and sharing your experience. This is the second time he has left me - the first time he came back in a few days. This time he has been gone 3 weeks - for the first two weeks I had no idea where he was. I am just praying to my HP for guidance in how to handle it with love and take care of myself. Are you together now? How do you endure the uncertainty? I guess its my desire to "control" that drives me crazy - when I let go and let god, I am more at peace. But the obsessing thoughts sometimes will not stop no matter how much I pray, read and post. I still haven't seen him since he left or spoken with him - he refuses. Again - this board is a lifesaver - thanks to all of you who post.

Jill

shellyj123 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Jas)))
A little over a year ago I could have written this post almost word for word. I believed I had met my soul mate, my HP had sent him to me and we belonged together. I still have days where I know and believe that he will never find the love, laughter and friendship that we shared.
He walked out of my life, almost as quickly as he came into it, and chose to not try to work on things, nor even really talk them out-His choice-not my HP's. We did date again twice, months later, but again he walked away proclaiming he just "didn't know how to know what the next right step was" He has been sober and in AA for 10 yrs....but I learned through AlAnon that doesn't mean he is healthy. He contacted me a few weeks back on what would have been our two year anniversary to share news of his new love, and again I was blindsided.
I feel your hurt and your pain, and I will tell you what I was told...........and I HATED by the way-Focus on yourself! Take care of you right now! If it is meant to be it will be in HP's time not ours.
I believe in my heart that my HP would never take anything from my hands without replacing it with something so much better, and I think back to the eX and how wonderful it was and I think "better than that I can't wait" but I have to:)
The hurt you are feeling, the pain, the betrayal, the unanswered questions will fade in time as you grow in this program.....It will take time, but it will happen.
Your HP didn't desert you Jas.........He lead you to us for love, healing and support..........and we love you very much!
Keep coming back! It works if you work it.........and you are worth it!
Shelly

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

UM your Higher Power didn't guide him to leave , he says his did . God gave man free will and sometimes we screw it up . One of the most spiritual speakers i ever heard ended her talk by saying * God took everything away from her that she wanted - so HE could give her what she needed . One day at a time every thing will become clear . I am assuming the alcoholic in your life is fairly new to sobriety , if anything less than a yr he is Stark Raving Sober , dosent know what he wants , stuck in his own head . Work your program and let Al-Anon take care of you , leave him to AA . This too shall pass. Louise

angelchar375 · Veteran Member

I can relate to your pain. Something that helped me greatly is to remember, that the other person may have other pains that have nothing to do with you. And they may make decisions because of that pain, that hurt you, but were never intended to hurt you, but to help that person get through their own pain. I'm sorry if that doesn't make much sense. But if it does, it might help you think from a different perspective which is where I always find some peace of mind. And the others are right. Focus on yourself, do something nice for you. HP works in mysterious ways. You never know what might be right around the corner for you.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Jasobel I thought this over since I read your post. Nothing seemed to come to my mind.

Then just now it came to me. It is nothing new.

For me I learned that I do the footwork, hp does the outcome The final decision is not my own. I put my life into his hands. I trust and have great faith everything will be ok no matter what.

To me there are two forces here. Good and Evil. I am not always privy to what makes my hp decide certaint things. But I know thru faith, it will all be ok.

My life has been so full of loss, but I never blamed hp. never. Faith tells me, how I react to the loss and to my life is my strong faith in a higher power that knows more than I do.

For me from the beginning humans had choice. It was not hp's fault the choice they or we make. But it forms the way the world is.

I was married to a beautiful, fun, loving, great southern boy. He was killed at age 26, I was left to raise a 3 and 4 year old.

Was alone for 18 years, married the first love of my life, 2 months later he had a brain tumor removed, medically relapsed after years of sobriety and strong program and is no one I would want to know now. brain damage.

I do not blame hp. I know it is up to me to have faith that something better is always ahead. And it always is.

As down as I ever get, for some reason I always hang tight to hp, very tight, as I know he is the one thing that will get me through.

This is my esh. much love,debilyn

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

Jas
Sorry for your pain. My situation is a little different as my A is my son.
But I often question the "why" or "how" of something that hurts me or doesn't go as I'd planned.
I just have to keep remembering only HP knows/sees the BIG PICTURE. I can only see the past and present so have no idea where all this leads me.
But I can only trust that HP leads me to the path that I was meant to live.
And the HARDEST part is trusting that my son has his own HP who is trying to guide him onto the right path.
It was a shock for me to learn that I wasn't my son's HP. That I was powerless. And I still fight this at times.
HP has a plan for you... he has the big picture
Keep the faith
God Bless

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.