The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to my first meeting yesterday and it's ironic that what I went home to afterwards was a nightmare. I liked it and will keep going back. Unfortunately, I can't afford the literature so I'll just have to listen and do online readings for now. Literature can come later, right?
AFiance was drunk and hysterical. He had spent the $10 I gave him for gas on alcohol and pawned one of our video game systems. He has no idea where the money is from the pawn. He was crying and upset because he doesn't like the way he is. He was begging for help. He called himself disgusting and said he's nothing and that he should just die. He said he wants to move out of the city and stay with his sister but his sister doesn't trust him. He could stay with his mom but it's not a good environment. And, he doesn't want to go unless I go with him. I don't know that I want to. He said he wanted me to call treatment facilities today to find someplace to take him.
I stayed up with him a bit last night and he took me to his alcohol hiding spots and gave me the bottles...except 1. He kept 1 in his drunken state and hid it while I was putting the other bottles in the recycling bin (must think of the environment ). Later he wanted to find it but didn't know where he put it.
This morning, I awaken to puke on the floor in the living room, what I think are soiled boxers in the bathroom, and him on the couch with a pot as a barf bucket. There is pizza crust on the counter, advil pills on the floor (thank goodness the cat didn't eat them) and just a sense of hopelessness.
I am still really upset about the video game system. I bought that for a very hefty amount a couple of years ago and he pawned it for $30, I think. I want it back. Not sure what to do about that. I could buy it back for $48, I think, but I don't want him to know I have it. He told me he was going to call the guy today.
His sister said he can stay with her from Friday to Monday. He wants me and the cat to go too.
I removed all of my jewelry and the last video game system I care about from the house this morning. It's in my car for now but I think I need to leave it at work. It's what I felt I needed to do. I should trust my instincts, right?
I feel alone and sad. I'm confused about my role in what is to come. I don't want to enable him and let him walk all over me but I am having a hard time setting boundaries because he has no money and no job. I feel the need to make sure he's okay.
YOU DID VERY WELL!!! Glad you went to the meeting There is an offer for a free book at the top of the Message board.
I know used book stores have the hard cover books at a more reasonable price Some metings give the pamphlets and the Beginners package free. Call intergroup for a suggestion. In the meantime go to chat room and meetings.
If he wants rehab and detox without insurance I would suggest that he call the AA hot line in your area. I know Salvation Army also offers free services
Take Care of you. I will pray for you and your loved one's peace
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 19th of November 2009 02:49:16 PM
Well first he is not okay , but nothing u can do about that . And if he wants treatment he can make his own arrangments , you can look up numbers write them down but he makes the calls . Waking up to puke , dirty shorts in bathroom yuck , i sure hope u didnt clean them up . His mess he can take care of it himself and if he dosent see the mess * casue u cleaned it up * he won't see the depths that he has sunk to. he won't believe u if you tell him , will think your lying or exadurating . Am glad u got your personal stuff out of the apt , cause it would have been next this disease just dosnt care about what belongs to who it only wants its next drink . Its not personal its disease . Find more meetings for yourself the more u go the better your going to feel , u need all the support u can get. Pick up some of the pamphlets if u cannot afford a book , Al-Anon the family disease is awsome lots of info in it , detachment pamphlet is a must , 12 steps and traditions booklet . they will keep u goin til u can purchase a book or two and they all fit into the average purse. should cost anymore than 5.00 for al of them . Good luck Louise
I did clean up the chunks of food from the vomit because I didn't want the cat to eat it. I covered the soiled wet carpet with a towel so that he could clean it up. He generally doesn't clean well enough. I think he'll attempt to clean it and it'll still smell or be a little gross and then I'll be disgusted and re-clean it. I'm lucky I'm not one of those people that throws up at the site of other peoples' vomit.
Does that count as looking at the positive rather than the negative?
HI! I'm glad you found Alanon. The doors of AA are open to your A, just as Alanon is here for you. I agree with Abby about having HIM make the calls. If he wants it, he'll do it. He's a big boy.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Ragdolls, Ditto everything Christy said! Please don't take his illness on to yourself; recognize he has to hit bottom and make a decision. It's so hard on us, but it seems to be the only hope for his recovery. Remember too, he may not recover. Keep going to f2f , and you can pick up fantastic pamphlets there, and I'd think you could just contribute your pocket change for it. If you have real nerve, and obviously you do have a real Need , ask for assistance right there at the meeting. Alanons are caring people. I'm sure you can help someone else in future that way too. :)
). Later he wanted to find it but didn't know where he put it.