"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

jasobel · Veteran Member

Starting Alanon - is it always this hard

Lisa K · Member

For me it was overwhelming because I was surrounded by people talking about real things and real feelings. Also the people were working so hard on their own personal growth so hard!

For me I wasn't ready for a sponsor for a while. I was going for about 7 months before I asked someone, and I was nervous to ask too! She said yes and we are starting to work together.

The most important thing it to Keep Coming Back!~

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes it felt very daunting to me at first too, but it also gave me a greater understanding of what I had been trying to cope with and had failed miserably, after a while other peoples shares became of great comfort as I realised I wasn't alone and could identify so much with other people, it was nice to be heard too, and to feel understood, to not be judged, I only went a couple of times and thought wow I have all the answers I was searching for, but it all takes time and practice, every now and then I think I got it now I can just cope by myself, but it's not long untill my life becomes unmanidgable again if I stray, and I had a long time getting here so it's going to take time to get meself right, it all becomes clear the more you work it, good luck and welcome!

Katy

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cdngirl · Veteran Member

Yes, it was hard for me too. My first meeting was so emotional - everything I heard made me realize how bad things really were for me. I spent the whole meeting trying not to cry (I wasn't successful) and it was so draining. I cried all the way home afterward, couldn't sleep either and wondered how on earth I could keep going to meetings when they were that hard. But each meeting got easier than the last. Now I look forward to meetings, and feel better afterward. I am smiling more, no more crying, have lots of new friends and we meet up before or after meetings to talk about things. I still don't have a sponsor, I'm not sure who to pick. I was told that it's best for females to have a female sponsor, though maybe there are exceptions.

Keeping coming back, it will get easier with time.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and welcome , yes it is difficult in the beginning , first hearing people talk about how I felt most of my married life , was a real eye opener and I thought I was alone . Slow down don't try to take it all in at once , you have the rest of your life ahead of you. I am assuming you are a lady and it is suggested that we not ask a male member of our groups to sponsor as vulnerability can casue a problem . keep looking you will find lady in Gods time .
Keep it simple in the early days of recovery , do the opposite to what u have always done and it has to turn out differently . ex , if you would normally sit quiet and let life happen , its time to speak up . if your a scrapper like I was its time to sit quiet and do nothing . Just do the opposite .
I was told I had to learn when to speak up and when to shut up. seems i had them backwards . EAsy does it - go gently into recovery dont be too hard on yourself and remember that u did the best u could at the time . When we know better we do better . helped me alot when i started to feel guilty about what I didn't do . Louise

serching-sandy · Member

I'm only on day 2, And I am scared out of my mind. I don't think I was this emotional when pregnant. But for me, I know I gotta fight and claw my way threw this or loose myself forever. Have not got to my first face to face meeting yet. So maybe by time I get there I will have left most of my tears on my keyboard. I wish you luck..

My Grandma use to say "God counts tears fallen from emotional gain, So when you are at your saddest know he is there." Not sure how she got so smart... But I know he is a busy man this week in my house...

jasobel · Veteran Member

Sandra - the only peace I find right now in my life is when I am at the face to face meetings. In fact I wish I could find an all week retreat or something so I could totally immerse myself in the process. Its so hard to leave the support and love of the meeting. I wish I coudl go every night but am a single mom.

I was so scared - it took me 30 years to get to a meeting - the best thing I ever did. Make sure you go to a meeting where its familiar and comfortable. For me I was raised catholic so I went to a catholic church. For those not religious might be better to go to an Alanon club or non religious venue.

I found the greatest group, so much peace. The hard part is coming home to being alone without my alcoholic ex who left last month.

Jill

jasobel · Veteran Member

Thank you for writing - I have not heard the advice - to do what you normall don't do . I am usually very quiet and don't speak up - although I force myself to speak up in meetings. I sit back and wait for others to call me. I don't put myself out there or speak my mind - or tell others what I need. Thus, what I do over and over doesn't work just drives me insane. I will try to do the opposite of what I usually do - sounds fun.

And yes I need to slow down. I think I dove in head first and now am overwhelmed. I didn't know I had to ask a same sex sponsor?

I will just keep going to meetings and ask God to guide me.

Jill

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

I think it is often overwhelming, as it is a whole new world out there - people who are hurting, emotionally available, sharing, helping each other, etc.... it is not what we have become accustomed to...

I remember loving Al-Anon meetings, feeling the love and caring inside those rooms was so strong for me - it seemed like the only time where life made any sense to me at the time...

Take care
Tom

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My esh is, I was in so much pain. I could not see going on. When I came here and realized there was hope, I wanted to soak it all in so fast. I wanted to,"GET IT" and not feel so miserably sick anymore.

People told me to slow down, that it comes when it does. So my gut that was so hurting went on a long time, but I had so many great people here, holding onto me. Gradually it got better, then one time I realized, wow I feel better.

As time went on I gave it all to HP and still do, I love my A, am detached. Of course being human I make mistakes. And did as I went along. But that is how we figure out what we need to work on.

Just keep on, taking a little at a time. Be kind to yourself. We are healing open wounds here.

Hugs and welcome,debiliyn going on somewhere around eigth or nine every day alanon years.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

It's definately overwhelming..It's a whole new way of thinking, readjusting our brains to think differently. Not to do what we've always done is HARD. It takes a lot of regrouping and sometimes we just don't want to. Little by little it becomes easier, less overwhelming and before long you find yourself using Alanon tools in everyday life with other people too.
It'll come..one day at a time.

Christy

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I know for me it took a long long time to get to love the program. I also took a long long long time to start working the tools.

I know this group is an absolute godsend. I am glad you are here.

Maresie.

wp · ~*Service Worker*~

I feel that Step One....admitting we are powerless etc....takes us to our first alanon meeting, and for me it was the very hardest step. Many many times just being at the meeting gave me the only freedom from my own insanity...I recognize that now, many years later. :)
pw

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"