The material presented
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My husband is better now. He hasn't quit drinking and I'm hoping that he knows that the last time I just about had it with him. He cut down some on his drinking, but I'm not putting my head in the sand because he still drinks and still acts like a jerk. He blew up at me a couple of times and instead of defending myself or fighting back, I silently walked out of the room. He came to me both times sheepishly wanting to talk ( about something else).
Okay, so that is a bit better, but I do have a concern when he goes out and loads up the outdoor fire barrel and sparks are flying all over the place, and he sits there drinking without taking the sparks seriously. Our yard is small and very close to the neighbours not to mention the fire is very close to the roof of the garage. A few years ago, he started the garage on fire and the fire truck had to come to put it out. All along I was telling him that he should safety the walls and roof of the stove in the garage, he yelled at me and didn't take me seriously just like he doesn't take it seriously now. Could his reasoning be that far gone? When he's out in the garage I don't feel completely safe in the house?
but I'm not putting my head in the sand because he still drinks and still acts like a jerk. He blew up at me a couple of times and instead of defending myself or fighting back, I silently walked out of the room. He came to me both times sheepishly wanting to talk ( about something else).
Okay, so that is a bit better, but I do have a concern when he goes out and loads up the outdoor fire barrel and sparks are flying all over the place, and he sits there drinking without taking the sparks seriously. Could his reasoning be that far gone? When he's out in the garage I don't feel completely safe in the house?
Hi Dori
I am glad that you did see that not engaging and walking away (changing our behavior) did effect a change in your interaction with your husband. I am glad. Please keep using the program and the tools. Meetings, Focus on yourself, Live ODAT, Pray and Most important:
"Say What you Mean, Mean What you Say, but Do not say It Mean.
If a Fire in the Garage is a real serious concern, suggest a change to your husband and indicate that if he continues to feed the fire and you become frightened you are going to call the fire department. There is no reason for yu to be frightened in your own home
I was very concerned with my husband's dangerous behaviors while he was using. It finally got to the point for me that I did not feel safe in the home with my kids and him. But everyone has a different breaking point. At that moment, I saw that I had to work really hard at restoring sanity in my own life regardless of what he was going to do, because he sure couldn't here my point of view most of the time. And somewhere in all of this, working the steps and taking care of myself, I was able to start to be less bothered by his actions.
Keep coming back, there is a lot of hope for you here & at face to face meetings!
