The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For weeks I have been saying that I'm looking forward to my husband going to jail - I've been so mad at him for drinking after rehab, I just wanted him away so he wouldn't ruin my Christmas.
Yesterday I was in a traffic accident and it really shook me. It has brought out a fear in me - a fear of being alone. My mom is currently visiting and she's the one who came to help me out after my accident, but she's leaving to fly back home tomorrow. And tomorrow is the day that my husband will most likely have to go to jail.
I was prepared for this - I was looking forward to this - now I'm scared and I don't know what to do.
I know I have friends who will help me out, I have program friends I can call, but I just can't seem to shake the feeling of fear.
Of course you have lots of mixed feelings, N8SMOM. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. You loved this man once and feelings like that do not go away easily - no matter how imperfect he has turned out to be. Also - it is human to fear the unknown and what life holds for you now.
But look on this as a positive change. There is that well-worn cliche: Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. But it is true - Be brave, take a deep breath and step out with your head held high. Who knows what opportunities will show up?You have friends to help you if you wobble.
Keep telling yourself you will do ok and take lots of care of yourself - you are most certainly worth it!
-- Edited by Tattyhead on Monday 16th of November 2009 03:41:57 PM
The thing is that when we're with an A, we're really alone anyway. There may be a warm body there -- sometimes, when he's come home close to on time, and hasn't passed out -- but he's not there as in available, responsive to our needs. He's draining us while he attends to his own primary relationship, the relationship with alcohol.
What I found is that when my A left to go to the margins of my life, I was left with only me, not the distractions and chaos of alcoholism. It sounds awful to admit that the chaos served a purpose for me, which was to distract me from my own feelings and needs. But at least I can deal with those.
But a traffic accident is enough to shake anyone, even if there's no alcoholic in the picture. I got crunched by a guy running a red light once, and I shook for days. Don't confuse this with fear of the A leaving. Anyone would feel shaken.
And of course it's also true that you're less likely to have traffic accidents in your life without an A around. I know this one was unrelated. But really alcoholics are walking traffic accidents.
Remember the infamous words of Sgt. Joe Friday, of Dragnet fame.... "just the facts ma'am".
Your reality, as far as I can tell, is that your A hasn't exactly been a reliable, dependable, loyal & comfortable fit even when he wasn't there, so ya have to consider what exactly has changed??? Hopefully you can see this time for what it is.... a wonderful, guilt-free time to work on you, and fall back in love with you again.... he's off where he is - he's well taken care of there, and not under your umbrella of worry...
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Think about it mom , u have been alone in this relationship along time , u ahve done it all . your gonna be just fine . One day at a time u will get thru this . Stay close to your f2 f groups , and family who love and care for you,your going to need them . goodluck Louise
