Sometimes I honestly think that work is my safe place, the place where I can go and do what I need to....X Y Z and that is it.  I know what is expected of me, what dates it needs done and who to go to when I need help.  It's the simplest part of my life some days......not lately, but some days.

The weekend started with a GREAT Friday night meeting, where my sponsor was and her and I got to talk about some issues that have been bugging me and me wanting to try to find another meeting to go to, in addition to or in place of my regular one (not sure which yet)  I lead and was able to share "some" of my story but not all and felt a sense of relief. 

The boy has his first indoor soccer game Sat, which was also my first opportunity at "coaching" and I was utterly disappointed at the overall lack of gratitude.  The kids played well but their attitudes were far from good, with many already complaining about what positions they were assigned, and just plain refusing to listen to direction.  Several parents also thought they had the answers to the issues we noticed, and it was funny, while driving home my 12 yr old says to me "mom if those other parents had such good ideas why didn't they coach???"  Good question I thought. I don't recall seeing them when it came to forming the teams, daily correspondence with the Y, calling, emailing parents, gathering paperwork, etc.

Sunday I decide to head out to God's country to gather my thoughts-my day, my place. We packed a lunch and headed out... The hike was 3hrs to the top to the MOST amazing view with the perfect breeze.  I sat, read from my daily reader, and attempted to meditate awhile until my son, seeing my relaxed state and not wanting that to happen, decides to blast my cell ringtone "Knocking on heaven's door" in my ear!!!   As we are coming down the mountain-literally, I am getting calls from parents about school projects due the next day, etc and this and that and what needs done. (now due to the fact my mother is elderly and in bad health I carry my phone religiously as I am the only person she would call if she needed help and probally the only one always available, so turning it off or leaving it behind is not an option in my life)  And I am like" I'm on top of a mountain, what I am doing is hoping to reach the bottem before dark-that is it!"  Then I flat out told the one mother that the boys are old enough to be responsible and I would NOT cater to mine by running him to school early, or going and getting materials so he could do whatever was SUPPOSED to be done in school, etc.....that my son would in fact be getting a failing grade if he was counting on me to do ANYTHING with his project....of course the mother didn't like that since her kid and several others, along with my son were to work on the project together-NO MY ISSUE.  I told the other parent point blank....as long as you keep going behind your son picking up the slack he is learning to NOT be responsible and still get good grades.  I won't do that......my son needs to grow up a bit and take on the responsibility....letting go and letting God. 
Of course the rest of the trip down the mountain was my son and I arguing, the monotany broken by my fall, whereas I now have a sprained rist and a soar back from the landing.  Sunday evening, lead into an even bigger disaster and more arguing between my son and I, which borderlined insanity at it's finest.

Which brings us to today, back to work.  A land where things are usually X Y Z, but today has been INSANE, and even though I have busted myself to do my job, it can't be finished because I have to rely on other people to do their part and they aren't available.....sooooooooo.

Right now I am trying with everything I have to just LET GO!  I learned alot this weekend, though like most things, I had to learn it the hard way.  I wont be the doormat for the free world any longer, nor will I be the parent that is always putting forth the extra effort anymore. The people pleaser is no more, and before all is said and done I am sure there will be a lot of people NOT pleased with me:) I will no longer go behind my son picking up the slack and reminding him what he needs to do as far as school or home goes.  I have health issues that I am dealing with on a daily basis, pain that somedays is so unbearable I can barely get up to go to work, and am waiting on surgery.  I have reached a point where I just want to BE and enjoy what is and I want to be appreciated and respected, anything else is unacceptable behavior to me anymore.

Send the ESH my way MIP family.........stress level is HIGH today.....trying to let go and let my HP do the rest.......
shelly