The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wow....I just read some of my old posts from 4 years ago! It took me right back to how I felt then dealing with the craziness of my AH and what he was doing to our family.....
I look back now and reflect over all the years with him and all the ways his drinking has affected me and how I let it continue to affect me and I was in the cycle over and over again...and now he's gone...and yet here I am, on here again, still dealing with how he affects me. I want to live my own life and be happy and not dwell on his disease..but I guess when you lived with it for 20 years, you can't just let it go in a few months, it has affected every ounce of your being....
I feel as though I've come a very long way...I know I have. Four years ago, I was so devestated I couldn't function. I still have those days every once in awhile, but this time I can at least leave my house and live and see friends and function in the real world. I could not do this very well before. Although I am on an antidepressant, which helps a ton, I'm a much stronger person now than I have ever been. Which goes back to what I tell people all the time.....All the things that I've been through are what make me who I am today.
Its good to look back once in awhile, just as long as we don't get stuck there again. I need to look and see where I've been and let myself feel good about all the progress. It helps me let go of the perfectionism that I used to be stuck in.
I'm glad you can see your progress today.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Thank you so much for the inspiration to look back on my old posts. You see, I don't come here much anymore. My ex AH is now sober 4 years, I've moved on and I must say I think often of MIP and the many ftf meetings I attended. It's been a very long road to a completely new life and I'm very grateful for every helping hand along the way. Re-reading my posts has really engrossed me tonight. I had forgotten so much of what had transpired over the years. Some of it ugly, some of it inspiring. As I look forward to a new year, I found it very helpful to look back to how I got here! I feel like I'm at a crossroads, so looking back is helpful. I see things, old habits rearing their ugly heads in a different way. Only now, I have only myself to blame. I think it's time to turn up the volume to my HP and listen to what I should be hearing. I guess I feel a little lost and re-reading my posts reminded me of who I am, what I want and how to pray for guidance.
