The material presented
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It's so funny, I just have to laugh (or I'd go insane).
As I left with my son and mom today, my husband was all set to start on the Christmas lights (11:00 a.m.). As we drove away, we noticed the house on the corner was being decorated with Christmas lights too. We came home around 2:00 to check on the progress and was excited to find a strand of Christmas lights up on the front of the house. Went inside to find my husband passed out in bed with a beer on the night stand. The house was completely open - anyone could have come in while we were gone. BTW, the neighbor was done with his lights.
We left to run some more errands - I called a few times, but no answer. Finally answered at 3:45 - he said he just woke up and was going back up to work on the lights. We got home and he was on the roof. I stayed outside (in the front yard) to keep an eye on my son (he wanted to play with some neighborhood kids). Husband disappeared, so I assumed he was still on the roof, putting lights on the back of the house. Found him passed out in the guest room and he's still there. He has only managed to put 2 strands of lights up all day today.
How much beer does he drink? Is he also mixing with hard liquor? The passing out is hard I know...I've lived through it. What do you think you plan to do with this situation? How long do you think you will live with it?
Oh boy. As a friend of mine once said about my A, "At least he never gave you cause to change your mind about him." It keeps being spelled out loud and clear, doesn't it? And your husband's attempts to put up the lights -- it really does sound as if he was trying and he thought he was going to get them up -- shows how much he's in the grip of the alcohol. This will be one of those things to remember in the middle of the night when those irrational "Maybe it wasn't so bad" thoughts come up. It sounds as if you're looking at it with detachment and even humor. Sometimes we just have to laugh, don't we?
I wonder would you be better off if you let go of him having to do the lights thing, if there done wrong are they safe, an alcoholic can complicate a ham sandwich and though I think from your posts on this that there is a lot of emotion buried in this event and perhaps happy times where things were better, it might not be so now, I wish you the best and sending on prayers and good wishes,
I know that feeling. It is only my sense of humor that keeps me going. And my great strength, of course. Keep laughing girl. It works wonders. There is something humorous about hanging two strings of lights in a whole afternoon.
I am not missing your point. I have seen it happen in my house so many times. I go off in the car and come home to find him passed out. I often wonder how he can drink so much in such a short time....
Hoping your Christmas light job gets done before Christmas.
Best wishes,
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
For three years I haven't decorated. My A has moved out and I'm happy as can be. Last night I put lights in my plants outside. Gonna work my way inside.
I'm enjoying being me.
Sincerely, Tonya
P.S. Im laughing with you too, i though for sure u were gonna tell me he fell off the roof like my hubby did putting up lights while drunk.
I'm so glad you're still smilin. Hey, looks like you'll be finishing the job yourself, maybe with the help of your son and some local friends. Don't forget to ask for help from someone who can give it!
I'm mighty proud of myself today. I finally accepted that my AH won't fix the broken toilet roll holder in our bathroom ( which he broke). I got an electrc screw driver and fixed it myself. Now when I'm " on the throne " I can reflect on how far I've come. Hehehe!
It is so sad, isn't it? No matter how hard they try, they just can't make it happen. I learned after a while in the program to just say thank you for whatever my AH COULD manage to do. I worked hard at getting rid of my expectations and soon had little to resent. Then my thank you's were genuine and I think he really appreciated them, esp when he finally did get sober.
I am glad you can keep a sense of humor about it.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I just got to thinking of my birthday a couple of years ago. AH was not sober yet, so no money to spend. He took me and the kids out on a lovely drive in the mountains, through a park that is near here, but I had never been to. We had a lovely day, the best birthday I had had in many years.
Two days later, I found him smoking a meth pipe and I kicked him out of the house. In the past I would have let that ruin the memory of a fabulous birthday that he had tried hard to give me. But this time, I stiffled the urge to let that happen and awhile later I had an epiphany. You see, he was so bad off after I kicked him out that I was afraid for his life. I expected a phone call any time from the police that he had been found dead somewhere.
This is what I realised, even though he was so bad off that he almost died, he made my birthday special. I don't for the life of me know how he managed it. I know he had to have been using enough to stay coherent, but he never got nasty that whole day, no sniping, no crabbing, nothing.
Maybe this was when I really learned to appreciate my program and the struggle he was going through. Maybe this is when I really learned to say thank you, and mean it.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Reminds me of my sister (dry drunk A) and her ex (also dry drunk A).
Every year they had the only house in the neighborhood with the lighted reindeer still in the yard in February.
She would go on and on incessantly on the phone about how he will not bring the reindeer in.My mom and I would say,why don't YOU just bring the d*m things in?
