The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ABF had a slip after 6 months last weekend. He has really worked the programme and could not have tried harder then bang hes gone again. I ended this relationship in March and he ent into AA all my hope returned so we got back together as he wastrying to get better. But today I am on my knees I ca not fight reality any longer. He loves me and I love him but this disease is stronger. I must accept he ca not give me what I need. I am in grief as I accept the fact of the situation. I have decide that this is the end of our relationship. I have two childre and all this is not fair on them and hinders me as a mother.
I am no longer going to try and control this disease. I am not going to ignore my own needs anymore. I have spoken to my sponsor and she is there for me any time. She has suggested I read page 86 in ODAT over and over. I know I will come out the other side, I have learnt valuable lessons from all of this. Now I have to keep the focus on me and keep my self dicsiplined to stick to my choice. I plan to have no contact because I will just go back again. I know realise even in recovery he can not live the life I desire. It is my responsibility to create the life I dream of. So you will be hearing a lot from me on here.
Today I truley begin my recovery, like learning to walk I know I will stumble but I will be O.K thank to this wonderful programme. I could do with some positive share from people who have done this to give me strenght. This is going to be one of my bigest challenges yet but I know in my gut it is my HP's will for me. I keep getting these shocks to wake up to reality. I do not want to live in denial anymore. Sober or not he is not the man for me. I do not hate him, I am devastated he is ill because we did have something special but its not right in so many ways.
-- Edited by Tracy on Saturday 14th of November 2009 07:52:52 AM
-- Edited by Tracy on Saturday 14th of November 2009 07:55:51 AM
-- Edited by Tracy on Saturday 14th of November 2009 11:12:08 AM
-- Edited by Tracy on Saturday 14th of November 2009 03:15:17 PM
I think the hardest thing for me is loving my husband so much and knowing that his disease is poision to me. He and I are not together, been seperated 3 months. This is the first seperation, but its been the best.
They say this disease is progressive. Recovery too is progressive. I've had to be gentle on myself and give credit to the areas in my life that I have let go and let god do his work.
It takes one day at a time. Sometimes 10 minutes at a time. The victory is sweet for me when I put the focus on God frist and me second.
I have not experienced what you are going through exactly but i have experienced the sense of loss you feel
I want to recommend a book "Transforming Our Losses" from al-anon conference approved literature. It helped me understand I was in mourning and provided a lot of ESH.
Hi Tracy, I relate very much to what you had to say. I cant think of a person on earth who is more emotionally unavailable than an addicted person. I guess what haunted me most was my attraction to this. Coming to the acceptance that nothing and no one will ever come before a persons addiction (with no exceptions) was a reality that was something I had to constantly remind myself of. I decided to focus on me and what was it about me that had such an attraction to a person that was incapable of meeing my needs. For me I am taking a long hard look at this question becasue I dont want to end up in another similiar relationship.
