The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband got a call from his attorney yesterday and there's a good chance he'll be heading to jail for 45 days right after his sentencing on November 17. My husband was under the impression that his attorney would be stretching this out another couple months, but from the looks of things, that's not going to happen. Of course I know that nothing is definite, and you never know what can happen, so we just have to wait until the 17th to find out for sure.
The thing is, I would like to be prepared for a few things before he goes in. I know this is going to sound totally selfish on my part, but I need advice on how to go about asking a huge favor from my husband before he goes in.
I want the Christmas lights hung up and he's the one who does it. I know this is a stressful time for him, so is there any way I can ask him to do this before Tuesday?
(((Ness))) Sorry, I couldn't help but smile a little bit when I read this. Good for you for still being in the holiday spirit when things are not looking too good for hubby. I would ask him. It can't hurt anything...in fact he will be able to see the detachment you are practicing. If he won't then maybe you can find someone while he is gone to do it for you.
I think the UK might be a little far or I would come and help you.
Hi Mom I understand how important the Holidays are when you have a little one. This will be a difficult time for all of you so your husband may want to decorate and participate in the season while he can.
Alanon suggest that we take the action and let go of the results.
I will pray for a positive outcome for your family
Aloha Mom...there is a mindset in Al-Anon that says "Act as if" and for me "acting as if" things are the way they should be at the moment would allow me not to fall in to the future and project. It's like don't feed the disease get done what would normally be done and let the other stuff take care of itself. The alcoholic needs to take care of the consequences of his choices when they come up also. Ask him to do it because Christmas is coming and you always light up the night for Christmas.
I am in the UK where we rely on the National Health Service, towards which, everyone who works pays a substantial contribution directly from their monthly pay check. This works brilliantly in emergency situations where medical care is free at the point of delivery. Hoewever - in situations like that of my alcoholic and very sick husband - this system falls down. Re-hab in these situations is non-existent unless privately paid for. I certainly cannot afford this for my AH. The point of my posting? My daughter, who is a (UK) Community Psychiatric Nurse, told me of one of her clients who was caught shop-lifting botles of spirit from a supermarket. Up before the courts the Magistrates (do you have them?) ordered that the defendant "go into rehabilitation" for a specifed period. Because the court had decreed this, it had to be paid for by the Probation Service. On hearing this the person's Consultant Psychiatris turned to my daughter and said "Thank goodness for that! We (NHS) couldn't afford to send her to re-hab, but now the Probation Service is funding it, she has a chance"!!!
So- do I encourage my AH to go break into an off-licence in the hope that a court of law orders him into rehab?!
Go for it! Sure, this is a stressful time for him, but what an opportunity to do something completely normal to distract him from that stress for a bit?
Just ask and its not selfish ,you have kids who enjoy xmas especially if there is a possibity of him not being available . and if you dont find the courage to ask , reach out to a friend a neighbour or family member for help .
Thanks for all your replies. I asked him this morning and he said that he would do it. He also said that he was thinking about doing it even before I asked.
Unfortunately the stress of going to jail is getting the better of him and he spent the majority of the day drinking. I made mention of the Christmas lights and he changed his answer to "maybe." He also started picking fights over stupid things, so I just tried the best I could to ignore him. It's not going to be easy to be nice to him until those lights go up. At this point I'm not even going to get my hopes up about the lights, I'll have a back-up plan to get some help putting them up - maybe I'll ask someone at one of my meetings or pay to have it done.
This is indeed a stressful time for each of you. I believe that it is wise to have your Plan "B" in place. Simply try to get thru each day a moment at a time.
