Threats...... - Al-Anon Family Group

DreamsOver · Senior Member

Threats......

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hi Dreams, ok rtake three deep breaths, drop your elbows.

I have a son too that about drove me nuts. That is long past, however here is what I see.

Your son, that baby you raised wants you to tell him NO. He needs you to be strong becuz he is not right now. The disease is making him say those things. The boy who loves you would not talk to you like that.

At some point we all have to let them go and accept they are responsible for their own lives, their own choices.

If he can find his drugs, he can get his own cigarettes.

A's use threats when they don't get their own way. Like a baby throwing a tantrum.I know it is hard, but I learned not to take it personal.

He needs you to not allow him to speak to you in a disrespectful way. We teach them how to treat us. He will get clean someday and remember you stood strong and would not allow the disease to control you.

He will feel more guilty if he knows the disease hurt you, the best thing we can do for them is to take care of ourselves.

I am glad you came and shared. Keep coming back. prayers for you and your son, debilyn

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Dreams

You did well. You spoke to him with clarity and did not engage. He is free to say what he whats to say and you used your tools to listen and not argue with the disease.

Glad you came here. You should be proud of yourself. Say the serenity prayer and try to rest.

Thanks for sharing

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Dreamsover)))))...You did good and now you got to believe it.   You might
have to do it a few more times until he makes some change about how he is
going to either get help to change or get help to remain the same. I like that
"I will not finance it" detachment statement. I used something similar with my
eldest son and it worked also...over time; always over time.   Continue to
practice your program over time cause you'll get stronger while it tries harder.
Over time you both maybe glad you did.   I recently talked with a sober son of
an Al-Anon member who credits his Mom for getting in, learning how to work and
sticking with Al-Anon.   "When I knew she wasn't going to cave in I had to do
something different..." was much like what he said.   She stopped financing her
alcoholic, addict also including cigarettes.    Awesome!!   In support (((((hugs)))) smile

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Dreams))))......well done on your response to your son....keep strong.....keep coming back, always remember youre not alone.

In support

Ness x

Gailey · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Dreams))))

So sorry that your son called with such demands. You did the right thing. I am not sure I would be that strong quite yet but hearing shares like this helps me so much to see that it can be done.

Try, try, try to pull that focus back to you each and every time he comes to mind.

Yours in recovery,
Gail

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sorry your put in this position but I too feel u did the right thing
In this room several yrs ago late one nite a woman came into the room with the same dilema as your speaking of . she knew in her heart that he would probably use the money for drugs but was preparing to meet her son an d give him the money he demanded , telling her that he would be killed if he didnt get the money to his dealer NOW.
There was a gentlman in the room i didnt know he asked if he could talk to her for min , he identified himself as a long time AA member . he asked her one question .
How are u going to feel if the m oney u give him tonite is used to buy the drug that finally kills him ?
I almost fell off my chair , I had never thought of it that way before , neither had the lady in the room . She said she would go to bed and pray that her son stay safe and she was not going to give him the money after all .

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