CPS involved - Al-Anon Family Group

smartkat · Veteran Member

CPS involved

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Kat...So is there an elephant in the living room or not. If there is no problem
when, where and how does a solution become necessary.    Ug CPS and then this
is a door that can lead to them getting help.   Keep the door open.   The program
always suggest that we don't cover up for him, her, them etc.   Pray for the best
((((((hugs)))))) smile

smartkat · Veteran Member

But if we have been wanting to replace the bed anyway, and now we are 'allowed' to, is that covering up or is that taking advantage of the situation to get done what we always wanted to do anyway?

My mom is too concerned with what people think. I don't want my bitterness towards my brother to adversly effect my decisions.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

So this isn't about CPS finding out. Let them change the mattress as they find
the need to. What better concern than theirs rather than the familys. I know that
sounds real detached and then another thought is will a new mattress stop her or
help her from pooping the bed which doesn't seem to be the CPS issue either.

You can handle your bitterness toward your brother without the bed or CPS for
that matter and that comes from my experience. Your bitterness can be pointed
at anyone you like until you decide to stop using it. Bitterness is not a recovery
tool; acceptance and forgiveness, compassion, empathy and grace are. He can't
be doing what he's doing just to make you bitter or your mom self centered.

I came to understand that situations like this were taylor made for my recovery.

Good luck. Keep coming back. In support. (((((hugs))))) smile

roygbiv · Senior Member

Hi smartkat,
The best thing would be to stay out of it, but I realize for the sake and love of the disabled child who does not want to sleep in a poopy bed and you've been wanting to help with the bed for a long time, I'd replace the bed and make sure there's a double plastic mattress cover on it (walmart $11 each).
That is all I'd do. Cleaning the house isn't your business or your mom's.
The controlling thing of your brother sounds like he should be in Alanon. Is he open to going?
Sending love.

roygbiv · Senior Member

"I came to understand that situations like this were taylor made for my recovery."
Jerry, you have some great quotes!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Special needs kids in the US get SSI an income to help take care of their special needs. To me it is enabling to step into this situation.

I doubt this is the only abusive/neglectful part of this household. It is in HP's hands where it belongs.

To me to make a bad situation,"look" ok is adding to the neglect and abuse.

I sure know you care, it has to be so hard.

hugs,debilyn

smartkat · Veteran Member

My brother doesn't get paperwork taken care of so I don't think she is getting SSI. Or he could be actling like he doesn't so we will feel more sorry for him, thinking the only money he gets is from his part time, almost minimum wage job.

Before CPS got involved, I was very pissed at him for finding out he was pretty much conning mom out money with the excuse that he needed to pay a certain bill, that he never paid.

That household is so disfunctional on so many levels!

smartkat · Veteran Member

It doesn't appear there is any physical abuse. But some neglect. The two other kids are old enough to take care of themselves, but the special needs child is on the level of a 2 yr old. She is helpless!

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

On a personal level I would leave this alone. If your brother wants to buy a new mattress I am sure he is perfectly capable of doing so on his own.
On the surface this does sound like neglect ( just from what I have read in your post) and if this child is a special needs I can almost guarentee the child is getting assistance. If the parents are not using the money appropriatly then they need to answer for that.
If you help them ( and I say this from experience) and things don't go the way they want it to they will blame you.
CPS should be able to examine the home as experienced by the child and make a determination from there. Otherwise the only person getting hurt here is the child.
This is just my humble opinion

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Smartkat

I am glad CPS is finally addressing this situation. They are not the enemy and have the best interest of the children at heart.

Help your brother with the mattress if you choose.

I will pray for a positive outcome for all concerned.

smartkat · Veteran Member

CPS often does more harm than good, but I am hopeful it will start some real changes this time. Maybe if they find out the mother is a recovering addict, they will require her to go to meetings.

Or maybe they will split up and the sick dance will end.

I just know this isn't the first time CPS has been involved and all it has done in the past was to make them isolate themselves more. But that was before the mother started recovery.

anyway. I have no crystal ball to know what will happen so I have a hard time knowing if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

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