Need support please - Al-Anon Family Group

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

Need support please

Priscilla83 · Senior Member

I'm going through the exact same thing. My husband is drinking again "once in a while" (we know what that means) after six months clean.
I'm exactly where you are, I love him but I'm constantly asking myself: Do I really want to do this again?
Right now, all I can say is that I understand how you feel, and that all we can do is hold on tight to HP, have faith and keep working it.

((((Tracy))))

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

((( Tracy ))))

My situation is a bit different as my A is my son. I surely understand the feeling of being unappreciated when you feel like you are working so hard to keep everything from falling apart.
We finally had to let our son go recently. This decsion and following through with it was a long time in the making. He currently sits in jail but once they release him he will be basically homeless and is going to have to pull on all his strenght to get sober and where he needs to be.
Make no mistake we are not abandoning him. We continually assure him we love him no matter what and will support any attempt on his part to get sober. But this addiction has torn our family apart and we can't physically or mentally watch him slowly kill himself on a daily basis.
Your husband sees his mistakes... he has the tools to get himself back on track.
I always say that us Alanoners are the strongest people on earth as we live with and try to help our loved ones no matter to the cost of ourselves.
An alcholic/addict is always just one drink away from a relapse no matter how long they have been in the program and that's another thing if we choose we have to live with.
You sound like a really strong person... give yourself time to heal, pray and think about what is best for you and your family. HP will guide you. You don't have to make any quick decisions and don't let anyone pressure you into making your decisions.
Keep praying ... HP will lead you
I understand your heartache it is devestating and debilitaing. Prayer is the only thing that eases my heartache
My Prayers are with you

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Tracy)))))

Keep up your strength and follow the suggestions so that you can fight against
the stuff you do that doesn't work. If you keep feeling, thinking and doing what
doesn't work you will not get what does. The hardest person I had to go up
against in recovery...the one with the disease that was killing me...was myself.
When I got sick and tired to being sick and tired I sat down and listened and
when it was time to rise I got up and practiced. I found a power greater than
myself and turned myself over eventually without pulling myself back.

In support (((((hugs))))) smile

roygbiv · Senior Member

Well you're doing all the right things with meetings etc.

Eventually, the decision is "do I love this person enough to live my whole life with them?" Sometimes, the answer is yes, like Lois (founder of Alanon) was with her husband Bill (founder of AA). He drank for 17 years.

But if I don't love the alcoholic enough to maybe go through the same thing when we are 60, 70, 80 years old, well, sayanora.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Tracy as I read your post it made me think how we do grow on, get wiser, our emotions become more clear to us.

It is no wonder we say, I love him but I just cannot stand to live like that anymore. We grow up. They stay in that same world of avoiding things that make them uncomfortable.

If they started using at fifteen, we are thinking we are living with a thirty year old, where in truth they are fifteen. No wonder they cannot keep a job are selfish and more.

The disease made me not love my AH anymore as a husband. He has NO concept of how immature he is. How he just cannot be what he is not, a man of 58.

I see now when he talks, and he is in recovery, how immature he is. He was saying how the person he lives with may come see him, and I have been the only one who has visited him. How he did not want to get into "did she come see you or the other asking the same thing.
Like we were in junior high or something. He said you know how women are. I am closer to 100 than I am to 1 believe me I do not care.

I don't believe they are mature enough to see what part we play or how good we are to them. It does not even dawn on them. They are too busy thinking about themselves.

It is comparable to sending 18 year olds to war. They think they are invinsible at that age, they have not matured to the point of beleive they can die.

A's really cannot help whatever maturity level they are.

did you ever get a chance to read, "getting them Sober?" I sure learned a lot from that.

I tell ya my AH talked to me so much about the disease. He gave me more of an inside view. I feel very blessed for that.

Anyway good for you for making steps to take care of you. hugs,debilyn

jennifer581 · Newbie

I am in a similar situation.My ex husband and I seperated three years ago when he went into recovery. He had a relapse, and six months into his new recovery, we reconnected and were working on reconciliation. Sunday we were together, and everything was fine, Monday he told me he has not been working his program, that he needs to be in no relationship right now, that his sponsor is going to take him to the doctors etc, and that he loves me but I need to give him time because he's ready to relapse or have a breakdown. I am in full scale withdrawl...I didn't realize how badly I had slipped back into co-dependency. I got a new sponsor, and the last time I spoke to him was yesterday. I'm trying to stay focused on me, and I'm right back at step one. One day at a time, I guess. He needed paperwork, and I did the usual needy thing. I asked him if he wanted me to bring it by when he was home or just leave it, and of course he said come by when I'm here. But I took all of his paperwork over and put it in his car, no note, no explaination. I called him yesterday and fished until I got an I love you...because he knew it would appease me. I firmly believe that we'll reconcile someday, but right now, I have to be concerned about me, and stop obsessing about him. It's so hard, because I love him so, and I feel rejected, hurt, angry, resentful. But, believe it or not, I understand, and I'm grateful because now I can focus on me again. And my house is really really clean because I'm trying to stay busy lol.

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