The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Spent as much time as I could this past weekend as my health and family issues would allow, at the AlAnon conference.
I prayed for strength when I was on the way there to do the next right thing and asked for help to just let go of the EXABF and all the trama there and just move past it. Please God I prayed just show me what to do to end this all.
The second day there as I was sitting there wondering HOW to get past all of this and let go and gather the courage to be done with it and close that final door, a lady spoke and said the words that made it all make sense......"LET GO OR BE DRAGGED". I was soooooooo very tired of being dragged. I knew right then and there it was time to take that last final step in letting go of the EXABF and delete him from my myspace. Allowing him access there allowed him access to my life and he gave that up.
I told a friend last night of my decision and that it was time and I was ready, and of course she was supportive, she had not understood why I had allowed him there this long.
On the way to work this am, I prayed again for the courage to do what I knew was the next right step and delete him. I got to work, opened my myspace, went to my friends list knowing it was time and what I needed to do to FINALLY be free of it all, and he wasn't there!!! He must have deleted his profile before I got the chance to do it.
I knew right then and there that there are no coincidences in God's world....He knew where I was going, what I needed and made sure I got it, even if I didn't think I had the strength on my own.
I know he'll never find another me. I know he'll never have what we had. And I know that whatever relationship he enters will follow the same patterns of his, the same chaos, charm, lies and running away....and it's all ok and his to own..
It was amazing! All this time I thought I would fall to pieces when it happened and it would just cause more hurt and pain, and I could NOT take any more of that, and what I feel now is relief!! Mental exhaustion from the week and the weekend and all the discoveries I made at the conference and exhaustion......
Thanks for listening Shelly
-- Edited by shellyj123 on Monday 9th of November 2009 03:46:56 PM
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Shelly, Sounds to me like your HP is taking good care of you. Lean on your HP that's what your HP is for. (Really hard to not use a pronoun there lol).
I to got tired of being dragged and that is exactly what it feels like. Thanks I really needed that. I am going to start telling myself that.
When you get a chance take some time and reflect on what happened at the conference. I am sure you came home with many tools. I know I did from my conference.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I know he'll never find another me. I know he'll never have what we had. And I know that whatever relationship he enters will follow the same patterns of his, the same chaos, charm, lies and running away....and it's all ok and his to own..
Aloha Shelly...Glad you got to a conference...they are awesome.
I read your thought, "I know he'll never find another me. I know he'll never have what we had. And I know that whatever relationship he enters will follow the same patterns of his, the same chaos, charm, lies and running away....and it's all ok and his to own.." and remembered being taught that my prayer for the other out of broken relationship was to be that I pray that HP give to the other person everything and every blessing that they could ever want and desire and which HP could give to those he loved. The first time I heard the suggestion for that prayer I gagged and said "No way!!" thinking that if I felt hurt than I wanted more of the same for the other person...however...the new suggestion won out over me. I had to crush my ego and kill my pride and accept unconditionally what was going on in my life. I had to do more, much more and I did that too...went the "what ever was asked of me" route and recently I remet and saw that other person again and remembered the past while also being grateful that I'm not back in the past terrible thoughts and feelings. He seemed to be doing good and if he is being blessed with the best I'm happy for him. Had the final outcome of my reactions, thoughts and intentions not been interrupted the outcome would have been much different for both him his family and myself and my family. Glad you heard what you needed to hear. (((((Hugs)))))
I know he'll never find another me. I know he'll never have what we had. And I know that whatever relationship he enters will follow the same patterns of his, the same chaos, charm, lies and running away....and it's all ok and his to own..
As others have said - Thank you for the reminder. I needed to read this.
