The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of the speakers for the AA group at the conferance was talkin about her up bringing, and many things echoed in my head how it was when my parents were still together, they divorced when I was 9... But the last couple years before the leave, were things you just don't for get...
She had mentioned about one of the worst things she hated to do, was when her mom would tell her to go wake her Afather before dinner, and she was scared to death. Because when she did, he would "Jump & Flale & was Never Happy about it"
I Remember being that same person... My Afather would leave for work and not come home for 2 weeks some times...but when he would come home drunk, he would head straight to the couch, and start "barkin" orders... I remember he would jump from a sound sleep & Yell... "C (My Mom) WERE IS MY TEA", and I remember, my Mom would not miss a step or a beat.. Within a minute, he would have an Ice Cold Glass of Iced Tea sitting right there in front of him...
Now HE Of course would fall back to sleep before he would ever taste it... But he would just shot up, and YELL and go back to sleep...
An Al-anon friend of mine ask me that night... If you could say (With Out Thought) ONE Memory of your mom growin up what would she look like to you...
My before I could think i said... She was a "Pin Ball Machine"... He would bellow... She would come callin.. Didn't matter what "SHE" was doin, didn't matter if the cake was burnin in the stove.. She answered HIS Call 1st and for most....
ALL His Meals was "SERVED" to him on the couch in front of the TV, she would make 10 trips, gettin him ,Salt, Pepper, napkins, silverware, Something to drink, what ever he desired that is what she did... Her food was Always Cold, and she ate... Standing UP in the kitchen, while us kids sat at the "bar" in the kitchen, so we wouldn't disturb Dad's TV time or Dinner....
Before this program... I WAS... MY MOM... I remember askin myself... Why do YOU fix his plate, when YOU Don't know how much food he wants... You don't know how Hungry he is..You don't even know if he wants the peas ya made or the bread ya cooked.... Yet... Every day, I would make his plate, carry it to him, always mine was last and it was cold..
NOW... I am slowly makin progress... Baby Steps I guess... My View now... Well I still cook the meals, prepare them the best I can... And then ANNOUNCE "Dinner is Ready" and when they enter the kitchen I point them to the plates and the food, and send them on their marry way... I have found... That my cookin isn't as bad as I thought, "Once I Ate it Warm"..
I am still workin on the "Answering his call in under 1 minute flat", but I'm getting there, I practice all the time... "When I'm Done here, or Be there in a minute... Or What do you want, I'm busy myself", he has started to become More aware of my time, and the things I'm doing, but then again, we have been living this way for 13 years, but it is getting better...
Sometimes it helps me to say these things Out loud.. "HERE" in order to "Keep up the Good Work" I think I can now see myself as a Product of an alcoholic home, full of "Isms" Now My "ISMS" are "I See My Self" for who and what I am... And I know now... That I am a Work in Progress.. Not Profection... And Knowing that... Is a HUGE Step in my life...
One of the Speakers at the Convention said...Now when I'm "N.U.T.S." in My Life , too me that means I'm (Not Using The Steps)... hummmmmmmmm
Well, you had a model of what it is to be a wife, so you repeated it. Pretty simple. My mom was a rageaholic and that was my model so when I became a mom I used screaming rages too.
My mother learned to rage against her alcoholic step dad because she saw her mother do it and it worked. The first time my mom tried it when she was 16 and wanted to go to a dance instead of take care of the baby, she didn't know if her step dad would kill her or not, but she tried a screaming rage against him and he turned into a little lamb. So she used it for the next 70 years with great results. And handed it down to her 4 kids eventually and we used it with our kids. I don't rage anymore. I learned not to in Alanon. It can be changed overnight, very easy.
Reading about your mom reminds me of the movie The Color Purple.
I think I can now see myself as a Product of an alcoholic home, full of "Isms" Now My "ISMS" are "I See My Self" for who and what I am... And I know now... That I am a Work in Progress.. Not Profection... And Knowing that... Is a HUGE Step in my life... 
! Trying to get by with out the steps is nuts....a whole jar full 
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