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Post Info TOPIC: Should I stay or go? Please share your ESH on why you STAYED and what was the outcome for you?


Senior Member

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Should I stay or go? Please share your ESH on why you STAYED and what was the outcome for you?


Hi MIP family. I've been noticing lately that there have been many posts on the reasons to leave and the reasons to stay. I'd love to hear more members ESH on this. Why did you stay and what was the outcome for you?

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There is a God. I am not He.


Veteran Member

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Hi Rocky, I stayed because I thought that was what people did when they love each other.  I stayed because I wanted so bad to believe he would change.  I stayed because I felt I was the only one who loved him and couldnt stand to se him alone. I stayed for so many reasons....

The outcome wasnt good,  he almost dies from his last relapse, and i finally said enough when it hit me that i was dying with him.  I dont blame him, i rode the train on my own free will, but when i realized nothing i did, or could do could change anything about him...i bailed on the train.



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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.
Hecato, Greek philosopher



Veteran Member

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Hello.  I stayed because when we married we said "til death do us part."  For me that was exactly what I meant.  It is and never will be an option for me to leave.  My faith and my Higher Power do not believe in it.  My children need their daddy and he is working on his recovery.  The outcome for us has been good.  We are both attending meetings to work on our recovery and we are both very much in love with each other.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Hello Rocky , no one has the right to tell u stay or go , that is your decission .  I chose to stay for many reasons , alot of them selfish . Myhusb was a successful business man and I lived well and was not prepared to leave the way I had become accustomed to living . We had two sons who i also knew that I could not raise on my own . There was verbal abuse in my home never any physical so we were not in danger here .  I came to al anon and when I read the opening of our meetings for the first time where it says that no unhappiness is to big to be lesened and that i could get happy regardless of what he was doing .
I didnt believe it at the time but it was the first ray of hope I had in along time . I made a commitment to attend meetings for a yr do what it says and if I was still  unhappy after a yr I would leave .
the yr came and went and I stayed , it was 3 yrs before my husb quit drinking for the last time , I have never been sorry that I stayed , I got my life back , I like being responsible for my own stuff and happiness.
I learned to respect my husb struggle and love him just the way he was. I learned how to set boundaries for our relationship and I became much happier.
I learned how to detach and alow  him the dignity to live his life the way he chose. 3 yrs after arriving in al anon he is sober with no help from me , and I had tried to fix that problem for 10 yrs with no results. all I had to do was step aside so God could get at him .
We have 20 yrs sobriety in our home now an dlife is pretty nice 99 percent of the time . biggrin  Sobriety is not easy either and with out a program for me and  AA for him I doubt if we would have made it .
Attend f2f meetings talk things out with other people and don't make any life altering decissions for at least  6 months .  good luck Louise


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I came- I came to-I came to be



~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Rocky,

I stayed in my marrriage for all the reasons listed by others who have responded.  Alanon advised me thathis was a disease and the 3 Cs. 

I reasoned that, I was powerless over this disease and without recovery it was fatal so I asked myself - How could I leave a person that I loved , who  was sick and dying from a disease?

My answer was that I could not.  I then looked at what I could do to stay sane.  I went back to work, (the best action I could have taken) I attended meetings and focused on myself and my son- what he did I turned over. 

One weekend he decided he was tired of the cold and was flying to the Island of Jamica to kill himself.  I called his sponser and then mine  Attended meeetings twice a day.  I did not hear for a week and truly thought he had completed the act.  He walked in the door, went to the telephone, called his sponser and checked himself into rehab.  He was sober from then until he was diagnosed with cancer 7 years later and passed on sober.  

Staying or going is up to you for your mental, and spiritual health

I am praying for your peace.  

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1263
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Hi Rocky,

Really only you can make this decision....I asked my  husband to leave because I just couldn't do it anymore....he just of course got worse.

Finally he came back home and a short time later he passed away.

Only you can decide when enough is enough and how you live  your life, after all please try and remember it is your life and it is your choice on how you live it.

Rocky I would give anything in this world to have my husband here with me sick or well.

Just take your time make the right decision for you......you have to live with the choice you make.....

My prayers are with you.

Peace out,
Andrea


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Tomorrow is not a guarantee enjoy today


Veteran Member

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Posts: 52
Date:

Hotrod,
I just wanted to say thanks for posting your story of staying.
Supermom

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1652
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I'm staying because that's just the flow my life is taking at the moment. I put this into my HP's hands, and so far, although there have been "close calls" a split has not yet been in the cards.

I can't say what the outcome is because I find this is a constant, ever-changing journey I'm on. Just learning day by day.

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