The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi MIP, it has been a long , rocky and emotional journey since i posted so long ago. Of course, i am right back where I started from because I didnt keep alanon with me.
To sum life up, i took back my X who appeared to have the AA program down. With remorse, openness and heart on his sleeve he won back my mind and we began the journey again in june Surprise Surprise he relapsed and ended up in detox a few times since. Although i didnt keep the alanon going, it somehow still managed to stay with me at the critical times. Like when I dropped him at the hospital instead of staying all night, holding his hand and being verbally abused like i would have in the past. Instead i left him at the door, went out to eat with my kids and came home and crawled in bed. I somehow managed to take care of my needs during the crisis times yet kept believing things would change. As he sits in detox now knowing i am standing firm and he is not allowed to come back, he is full of hate and anger and horrible accusations. I know it is fear and sadness and have mostly been able to stop myself from engaging in his fights. But i too admit sometimes i slip and boy do i let him have it.
So here i sit, a year from last october wondering how this whole circus started again? And the only answer i can find is, me! I allowed it, i permitted it and now i must start over once again. I guess beyond the sadness that my future dreams with him are out the window, i am really mad at myself for the whole year i wasted.
Anyways, thats my life in a nutshell.... More importantly i am happy to be back, these boards really do make a difference .
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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
inhisarms, I went through something similar. I broke up with my hub and then after some time we reunited. He was back into his old behaviors pretty fast. It took me some time to once again ask him to leave. Now I can see the past year as wasted time. Or I can see it as the growth experience that I needed. I got over my doubts. I don't have any regrets. I can tell myself everyday that I truly gave my all to my marriage and in the end I made the best choice for me.
Welcome back.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I think one of the best things I read on here as far as giving alcholics another chance was this......."another chance at what? not being an A" that hit home with me. :)
Hi MIP, it has been a long , rocky and emotional journey since i posted so long ago. Of course, i am right back where I started from because I didnt keep alanon with me.
Anyways, thats my life in a nutshell.... More importantly i am happy to be back, these boards really do make a difference .
HI IN HIS ARMS
Just wanted to say welcome back. You are correct these boards and alanon tools do work!!
Jump right back in and pick up the tools you know work:
Live One Day At A Time Pray Share Focus on YOurself Do NOt project Remember to not get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired.
Thanks everyone! It does feel good to be back to a place where I know others understand my ups and dows, trials and triumphs.
Mandy i can relate, at least i know i gave it my all and the cards just werent stacked correctly.
Dreamxl...lol wow that sums it up pretty easily lol Now why did it take me another year to figure that out?
Hotrod...thanks and i know i need to focus on myself, but all my life i focused on everyone else but me. I am trying to turn the focus on me and it is hard.
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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
