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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> need your thoughts, prayers and ESH MIP family....
Post Info TOPIC: need your thoughts, prayers and ESH MIP family....
shellyj123


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need your thoughts, prayers and ESH MIP family....
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This week has been a test in so many ways, and in so many ways~ I failed miserably.

 

After the insanity with the EXABF on Tuesday, it only got worse, before it just ended.  I dont believe for five seconds that what he did was NOT intentional, and I told him that.  This man can remember ENTIRE conversations verbatim from last year, he didnt forget what day it was.  What he did was deliberate and hurtful and hateful and spiteful and mean.  What I did was the same thing back.  After having thought about it-I believe what really caused me to react was that he showed me once again, in an in my face kinda way-that he is NOT who he presented himself to be, and that AGAIN made me feel just like a fool all over again.  There is still a LOT of anger there that I am trying to work through, but it is going to take a great deal of time.Ive never in my life known such hatred towards anyone or anything.  It actually scares me.

 

Ive decided in light of all the insanity this week to detach from the new gentleman I was seeing.  Things were going really well, but this week he has been completely different than how he was before.  I dont believe he was sincere in many things he told me, and even though his actions matched his words up til last week, I believe he lacks what I am wanting in my life and I believe he is insincere.

 

I also found out yesterday that I have to have not one, but two separate surgeries in the next 2 months.  The first is schedule one week before Christmas.  Ive lost so much of my fight and energy this weekend, fighting all the wrong battles, that I dont have the fight left in me for this.  Im just so mentally and physically exhausted.

 

I thank God that there is a convention this weekend, because I need it REALLY bad, I need to be there and get myself back on track with a quickness.  But there is a HUGE part of me that just wants to blow it off and stay home, alone.   Im feeling really overwhelmed right now and just plain sad. I can feel the old depression creeping its way back into every part of my being and every part of me wants to give in to it, curl up in a blanket somewhere, turn off the phone and isolate..

 

I can use all the ESH you have MIP family.and your prayers.



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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!

Only God can turn a mess into a message.

Prayin' on it, Stayin' on it, I will survive it.

If nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes.
Mandy123


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Shelly,
Oh I wish I had my courage to change book on me right now. I think it is 224 but not so sure. If you have C2C look up depression in the index and you will find my newest favorite page and has been for about a month now (which is a record for me :)).

You know that when you are trying to talk yourself out of going to a meeting is exactly when you need to go. I hope you follow through and go to your convention. The one I went to in May was amazing and I felt like I was swimming in Serentiy by then end of that weekend.

Are you working with a sponsor??? Have you gotten to your 4th step yet? Sounds to me like a 4th step on anger would be a good idea.

Anger, resentment and fear are like poison and they can take away all serenity if you let it.

I will keep you in my prayers hun.

Take care of you.

Yours in recovery,
Mandy



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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall

God is seldom early, but he is never late.
david62


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Hi Shelly,

Good memory Mandy!  It is page 224.  What a great reading.

I was at an area assembly last weekend and heard a refer to isolating as going into a dark room to develop the negatives. smile

Ayup.  I can relate to that.

Being at a convention sounds like the perfect place to be this weekend.   Great place to focus on the positives and get so many growth opportunities.

Keep coming back,
David

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Laughter is the Beginning of Healing
Jozie


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((((((((((((((((((((SHELLY)))))))))))))))))))))

What was your Words of Wisdom to me about (2) weeks ago???????????
sprint.gif



I think it was somthing like (Your GOING... .Wether I have TO DRAG YOU!)
matrixfight.gif


Guess what Babe...
confuse.gif
My Turn to return the Favor :o) jawdrop.gif

Goin to be a Great Weekend, in the World Of Serenity :0) floating.gif

Love Ya...Hugs & Prayers pray.gif

Jozie

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Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D
hotrod


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Hi Shelly

It looks as if you have a priceless friend in your cornerbiggrin.

Sometimes that is exactly what I need.  Someone who will just be there and walk with me thru some stuff that  I do not want to do by  myself!!!.

Sorry you have the added burden of dealing with two  unexpected surgeries. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

I know the convention will enrich your spirit.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
maresie


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the ex A who I was with could send me off to space very very easily.  I had to really really work on detaching. Another thing I did was to have absolutely no contact with him at all.  If he had had a facebook page believe me I would have been there day and night.  When I first left him what he was doing obessed me.  I soon came to know it was the same stuff, more chaos, more lies, more charm.

The ex A apologized so many times.  I really do believe he meant none of them now but i took them heart line and sinker for such a long long time.  I've been in al anon a long long time now (years) and I've found that an active alcoholic/addict lies all the time.  Believing pretty much anything they say is really a set up.

I well understand the triggers.  I understand the exhaustion and I understand the feeling defeated.  You aren't.  Learning skills like detachment takes tremendous concerted effort.  I know you can do it.

Maresie.

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maresie
Debilyn


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Sweetie I see you telling your inner self you need to rest! Emotionally rest.

Sometimes in our lives we get to so bogged down in the heavy stuff, we forget the anti stressors waving at us from over there----------> come get comfy here and read for awhile! ohhh come watch this funny movie, "Parents!"  There is a container of raspberry sorbet just holding a spoon saying comerrrrrreeeee.

Pick up that Farside Gallery and I promise you will laugh. We all need to refuel. Covering up and hiding is not such a bad thing. Crimany most all living things need to just stop and regroup,smell the sunshine on the blackberries, feel the crispness in the breeze from the north and not think about anything else.

Life is so dirty and rude hurtful. We can choose to step away.Take a huge breath and go down a different path for awhile. think about something else.

hugs girl, debilyn

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Andrea12


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Go and try to enjoy and try as you can to let it go and let god,,,,I  understandt he overwelming  feeling...sometimes it doesn't matter what we do or how we turn things jut plain stink,

Dear friend  God is walking with you right now..he is holding your hand,

Take it slow and easy and know you are loved.,

Peace out,
Andrea

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> need your thoughts, prayers and ESH MIP family....