The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel all foggy. In the past 2 weeks there have been 2 deaths of people I was close to. I am a cancer survivor and still fight the battle to this day. Right now I am in a "wait and see" holding pattern, sometimes called remission. But that aside, I am foggy because my friend just passed from lymphoma. She had fought several cancers previous to this one and just couldn't do it anymore, her body gave out. It brings to the forefront that I could be the next one. I pray, and believe, that I will live until a cure is found. ( I have brain cancer) But during all of this, my AH, is out drinking and driving and gets an OVI (operating a vehicle under the influence). He just had to have that drink and then drive home. One block from home. Ugh! Frustrating the heck out of me for the answer to why? Why?!! It is truly in HP's hands isn't it? I am just trying to do me and live my life but then this kind of thing happens. This could really affect my life too. He could end up in jail. Then lose his job. It's not bad enough that we almost lost the house, but lose your job too so we can really lose the house. No income means no mortgage payments. Hello!! Does this logic sink in for anyone else? Yes, I could try to find a job, but I have been out of the job market for over 15 years. Who is really going to hire me? I don't see how I could make enough money to make the mortgage and pay the bills and pay for my meds. So here I sit, in a fog, trying to figure out how things got to this point and how are we going to get out of it this time. He has had DUI's before and some how we made it through but this time is different. The laws are different the charge is different. I am frustrated to say the least. I have to go to the viewing of my friend tonight and don't really feel like going because I am so tied up in my own "grief". Grief for my life, ugh!!! I need a nap that will help a little bit and give me time to release some of this frustration. I think. I know I need to get out of this funk though before it sets off my depression for real. Any ESH is appreciated, any at all!!!!
Your story was like the ones I kept in my head and heart when I did testimony at this mornings Liquor Commission hearing. There is a solution and it will take a louder voice than just our own to yell STOP!! loud enough to cause the machinery of alcohol to freeze in place. Dear God where is the right door behind which stand the right people? Oh sorry mind lapsed into a plea for help I did. Not alone you know. ((((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 5th of November 2009 03:40:22 PM
I am so sorry that you are hurting. (You too, Jerry.)
All I can say it that no this does not sound logical to the A mind. It is sad what the disease does to those we love. Please get to meetings, use your phone list and lean on the program and your program friends in this troubling time. Do you have a sponsor?
Keep coming back here, too. You are not alone.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry about your friend. You do have a lot going on in your life and only one person can and will guide you and take care of you, your HP who I already know you depend on in times like these. Over the years with all you have been through you have remained a very strong lady, and have always put your faith and hope in your HP's hands. You have been a blessing in my life because of your strength, and attitude. For that I am thankful, and you are in my prayers.
Things will work out, remember "One Day At A Time". No need to be concerned with what could happen down the road. HP will provide.
Thank you all for your suggestions and support. It is truly just a moment in time and yes this too shall pass. I allow myself a pity party ever so often but I sometimes need to be reigned in. And that was the case yesterday. I feel much better today.
(((Wild))), My thoughts and prayers are with you. Do you have the ability to volunteer in a field that you are interested in? That may be a way to get some current work experience.
For me I had myself in a position where I didn't have to depend on my "A" in anyway financially. It wasn't easy and I struggled, but I never had to worry about rent because I was taking care of that.
I know not everyone is able to do that.
Keep taking care of you.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
