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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Overcome with feelings of sadness and loneliness
Post Info TOPIC: Overcome with feelings of sadness and loneliness
cece


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Overcome with feelings of sadness and loneliness
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My Alcoholic husband, after 7 months clean, had a relapse.  I saw it coming; I kept telling him that infrequent meetings and then no meetings would result in a relapse.  Sure enough, he relapsed.  Since the initial relapse, he agreed to go back to AA.  However, I can tell that he is not fully committed to AA--as he once was.  For example, he has been back to AA for one month; and during that time had another relapse. 

I now realize that I cannot force him to become committed to AA; that he has to want and fight for his sobreity.  However, until he is back into AA (fully), I am left feeling so lonely and isolated.  I find myself waiting for the next binge.  The feelings of loneliness are so over-whelming sometimes.  It doesn't help that we moved to whole different country than where my family/friends live.

How do I find the strength/courage to find happiness; all while he is "unstable" so-to-speak.

I am scared and lonely; and don't know what to do.  I find myself praying alot in order to find some serenity!no



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hotrod


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HI Ceci

I am glad you found MIP   and I would like to welcome you  to alanon and your recovery.  I am sorry you are living with the disease of  Alcoholism This  disease effects and the alcoholic and the people who interact with the alcoholic.  We all  need help in recovering from the devastion caused by alcoholism.  Feelings of lonliness, sadness and isolation are some of the main symptons.

Alanon explained to me that

I did not cause this disease,
I could not cure this disease
I could not control this disease. 

What I could do was

Find alanon face to face meetings in my area 

.  

 Online meetings are held in the Al-Anon chat room associated with this site.

From the board click on Al-Anon Group Meeting/Chat Room in the yellow box in upper left of the page.  After clicking on the link please be patient, sometimes it takes a while for the window to open.

When you are ready to attend f2f meetings

  Help with finding local meetings near where you live may be found at the following web site:            http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon

Please know that after living with this disease we all need help in recovering from it.  That is why this program works.  Yes you need kindness, understanding, support, compassion and love.  You will find all that here.

Please keep coming back. You are not alone




-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 5th of November 2009 03:23:58 PM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
canadianguy


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Hi Cece... time for some "gentle mirror" here.....

You said that you saw it coming, and you warned him about what was going to happen.....

That statement alone, indicates that you are focussing a lot more on HIS recovery than your own....  Tough as it might be, you need to give him his own recovery, and he has to find his way....  You don't want to be a roadblock, but you also can't guide him through it all and soften the path....

The good news is... this is the best time in the world for you to work on you, and choose recovery for yourself....  start taking care of you, and focussing on what YOU need to recover from what his addiction has done to you thus far....  Al-Anon, reading great books in recovery, spending quality time with Cece.....  whatever you can do to turn your focus away from him and onto YOU......

"he will either drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Take care
Tom

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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
cece


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Hello,

I am currently living in a country that does not offer any English speaking meeting.  However, I recently started attending online meetings.

Thanks for advice; I really appreciate it!



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cece


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canadianguy wrote:

Hi Cece... time for some "gentle mirror" here.....

You said that you saw it coming, and you warned him about what was going to happen.....

That statement alone, indicates that you are focussing a lot more on HIS recovery than your own....  Tough as it might be, you need to give him his own recovery, and he has to find his way....  You don't want to be a roadblock, but you also can't guide him through it all and soften the path....

The good news is... this is the best time in the world for you to work on you, and choose recovery for yourself....  start taking care of you, and focussing on what YOU need to recover from what his addiction has done to you thus far....  Al-Anon, reading great books in recovery, spending quality time with Cece.....  whatever you can do to turn your focus away from him and onto YOU......

"he will either drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Take care
Tom


Hi Tom,

I really do need to work on my own recovery because I cannot go on like this.  Focusing on his illness has taken a negative toll on my well-being. 

Thanks for putting things in perspective for me.

 



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abbyal


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Hello CC , relapse is common in our  alcoholics , i was told that they could be positive , every slip they just might clue in that they really cannot do this alone . that one took me awhile to come to terms with .
I am assuming u don't attend Al-Anon meetings for yourself , you say your lonely  find a meeting or two and u will make new friends , lonely is a choice after your settled in our program , for me it has proven to me that good bad or indifferent  I never have to g othru anything alone again .
I was told along time ago that an alcoholic dosent have a hope in hell of staying sober going home to an old idea ,  I was also told that I was the old idea , the alcoholic is not the only one who has to change we do too.
I had to learn to not give any unsolicited advice to my husb , wether he went to meetings or not it was none of my business ,damn that was hard cause like u I was so focused still on what he wasn't doing or not doing that i forgot to keep working my program . I understand your fears but as tom says , if he drinks what can u do about it ????  good luck   Louise

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