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Another act from the devil in my daughters recovery. Yesterday went to pittsburgh sent us to the wrong dr. I was so angry but I maintained....go it straighten out told us to go to lunch will call as soon as the right dr is out of surgery.
Anyway we were just sitting down to lunch 'xxxx' boyfriend says I cant wait I have to get my truck back to enterprise by 3 so I called them they said by 6 is fine.....he walked out off, daughter followed of course....tried to remain calm drank my coffee. went out side they were arguing.....
He said, I am not waiting I have to get back I said, listen you 'xxxx' this is all your fault you wrecked you caused it the most important thing should be samantha and not your 'xxxx' truck.
Well, I went in the bathroom when I came out they were gone, mind you we are in Pittsburgh not a very safe place. I could not find my daugher cell was dying she wouldn't answer I was hysterical to say the least.
Finally she answered about 20 minutes or so latermommy come get me I am way down the road.....following his 'xxxx' ass.....
Well I got my daughter in the car and told him I don't give a 'xxxx' how you get home you can walk for all I care...mind you this is about an hour and a half drive and off I drove with my daughter and left him there.
Pull in my drive way and his mom is here she has already confronted my son about his dad being an alcoholic and that is why he is not here.....it took everything I had inside of me not to knock the 'xxxx' out of her right then and there....but I walked away told her to get the hell off of my property or i will have her arrested. God Grand me the Serenity.
When I say enough already God I don't blame God....I just want him to please help lift this cloud and give us some peace and harmony already.
Apt. is changed to Monday and by the grace of God we will survive.
Peace out, Andrea
-- Edited by canadianguy on Thursday 5th of November 2009 11:42:55 AM
Life is real tough for you and your daughter. I know that when I feel my son is threatened or could be harmed in some way, the "Rocky" comes out in Rocky. AH told me he's only seen me that way a few times and it's VERY scary
Makes realize how hard it must be for parents to detach with love from their addicted children. My child is not an addict but I think it will test my ability to detach from his choices. I'm such a codependant.
Andrea, you have such a strong program, I feel sure HP will help you with this, if he's not already.
When you are in control there is not other Higher Power but then for me anger and rage use to be a high so much so that I use to "red out" and then cause harm. I am eternally grateful that I learned to hate feeling anger and rage and think of abusing myself and others. I continuously practice the "abandon" in "Abandon yourself to God as you understand God..." I needed something much much better than anger to feel because I needed to be rid of the insanity of only feeling anger and rage all of the time as my reaction to life and my fears and then it came..."the opposite of anger is acceptance and there is peace of mind and spirit in acceptance." I now accept that weird stuff happens...it just does...to everyone and I can accept that I will never get my will fulfilled exactly as I will it. That's never happened and letting go of the expectation that it will is the driveway to serenity. I have no control over how life chooses to go about its business around me. I can accept that or else....
You'll make it to Monday. Take a deep breath. You'll make it through this chaos. You've handled much more than this. You can certainly handle this. Hope the appointment goes well. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
For me I can go from calm to anger in zero to one. What I'm learning is anger is usually prompted by a fear I have. Fear of loss, fear of losing, fear of being out of control, fear it will cost me something. If I let fear/ anger run my thinking I've already lost. When I take the extra second to think I am better able to decide if I want to respond or not. I have time to see if this is out of my control, what am I fearing, what can I do about it if anything, what is my plan B, is this a life death situation. Here's when the serenity prayer really comes into play for me. If I didn't cause it then I can use my head to move onto the next step without anger or reservation. Every thing that we are challenged with in life ( in my humble opinion) is nothing more then an opportunity to show our best self. I also love the reminder, I don't have to attend every fight I'm invited to.
I did not expect your daughter's boyfriend to be capable of being "there" under any circumstances. I know when I expected the ex A to "be there" I entered very toxic space. Now that I have stopped expecting the impossible from an alcoholic I stopped being immersed in frustration.
