The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OMG, the lies, the long drawn out stories , the fake phone calls, the stories he tells, the excuses. I could go on and on.
I find it very hard to be comfortable with what crap he is telling others when he uses me as an excuse for something he is doing. How do you all deal with this... when he tells a story that you KNOW is bs and you listen and nod your head.
I know he is sick and the whole cover up stuff, but it is hard not to feel like I need to set everyone straight.. make sure they realize he is an alcoholic and this or that isn't true...
You don't have to not do this. You can stop playing along. You do not have to nod your head and agree. You don't have to inform others of what is going on, either for that matter. So what is in between that you can be comfortable with.
This is not a game. This is a life and death struggle that your A is in for his life. Its not about being embarrassed, or what other people think. Its about survival. When we cover up for them or participate in the cover up, we are engaging with the disease and helping it to destroy him.
I am glad for you that this is now getting too uncomforatble to bear. That shows your growth. I like the phrase "if nothing changes, nothing changes". Maybe its time for a change.
Maybe time to ask HP to help you find a creative solution to this delema.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Aloha Angel...Jen's response is soooo supportive and knowledgable and very good program. I'm focusing on it myself because it covers alot of the behavior including the lying. Another little piece of information is about the why of lying. It often is because of or motivated by fear; the fear of being honest or found out is one of them. It needs compassion for him and for yourself because like you have said here it is impossible to listen to without trying to fix. The reason he does it is his alone and you didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it.
