The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband came home from his 30-day treatment facility yesterday. After getting home, he went out to run some errands (pick up prescriptions and get a haircut) - he was gone for over 2 hours. Shortly after returning home, he went down into the basement to have some alone time and write in his journal. After dinner, he went back downstiars to rest (before I left for my meeting). He used to do the same stuff before he left for the treatment facility - it's as if nothing has changed.
Then this morning I was looking at the checking account to see if a check I wrote had cleared. I noticed that he put his haircut on the debit card and that there was also a charge for a little over $6 at a convenience store near the haircut place. Now I have to wonder if he bought alcohol yesterday afternoon?
He was asleep when I got home from my meeting and woke up early (our son came in to wake us up and insisted that we both wake up). After we picked our son up from school, I ran a bunch of errands. When I got home, he decided to go take a nap and has been asleep for almost 3 hours.
I'm so irritated and have no idea what to do. I'd be better off is he wasn't here. He's being a useless pile of poop again.
Technically he's still on leave of absence from work - but hopefully he can get that changed because I need him out and earning money. I don't think I can handle him being a lazy lima bean every single day.
Easy Mom , he is sober I learned along time ago that sometimes all an alcholic can do is Just NOt drink , he is sleeping cause what he usually did was get drunk he has to learn to live with out alcohol and that takes time . Early sobreity is not easy for anyone , lower your expectations of what life should be like in sobriety . Ya gotta admit sober is better than and day drunk . Patience is a must in early sobriety 30 days is a drop in the bucket , booze is barley out of his system , he dosent know what to do with himself . Stay postive lower your expectations and get the focus back on yourself , we cannot keep them sober nor is it our job to do so but we can encourage them to stay that way bye having a positive attitude and staying out of thier face . Two books that helped me alot in sobriety were Living with Sobriety it will address all of the things u spoke about in your post , also Dilema of the Alcoholic Marriage is aw some , there is great stuff on communication. Aparently we dont do that well hang in there call your sponsor and double up on your meetings get the focus off what he ISN'T doing and back on you where it belongs . Both of the books I mentioned are Al-Anon books . Enjoy the good days . Louise
-- Edited by abbyal on Tuesday 3rd of November 2009 09:39:32 PM
Amen to the two shares you have already received. Please came here often, call your alanon support group and double up on meetings. This is a very, very difficult time for both of you.
I will pray for your family
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 3rd of November 2009 07:57:24 PM
My two cents... having my ex AH on the couch for the past week or so has shown me several things but one of them is that it's very easy to slip into old patterns of relating to each other. I have caught us calling each other honey on numerous occasions and we have been apart for 3 years and not on the friendliest terms. 30 days is like a blink of the eye and you are still you and expecting him to be him. Imagine you are living your life without him, what would you be doing? Do those things and just let him do him and you do you. I know that's easier said than done but it's going to take a conscious effort on your part to accept that things have to be different and do your thing.
Absolutely! I agree with all that has been said so far.
Also, don't ask! If you ask him if he is drinking it will discourage him if he isn't, and he will lie if he is. I know its hard, but it is a no win situation. As the others have said, double the meetings(a meeting a day would be best), refocus on you, use your contact list, act as if he were not there. You can do this. Your attitude is very important to him, right now. Besides, there areno guarantees here. If he stays sober, your better attitude will help you both with the transition. If he does not, you are healthier, stronger and more in touch with your own needs. That is a win/win situation.
Good luck, hon. Keep coming back!
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
hang in there call your sponsor and double up on your meetings get the focus off what he ISN'T doing and back on you where it belongs . Both of the books I mentioned are Al-Anon books . 