The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My alcoholic wife has apparently started drinking again after a month sober. Maybe she was never a month sober. We separated over 2 months ago and I have no plans to reconcile but still it has me crushed. I think I have this notion in the back of my head that she will get sober for a few years and then we will start a new relationship. I just want to go straight to her and confront her and go to her parents who she is living with and tell them. Maybe I should tell them since her son lives with them. She actually left him at my dad funeral last week. I bet she was "xxxx" up then too. I just wanna stop feeling this "xxx". She is the only woman I ever loved and I dont want to love her anymore. I know Im in for some serious crippling pain whenever i find out she is seeing other people. I just want to move away and hide. I want something to work to ease this pain. Thats why Im running my head here. I want to let her go so bad but I still feel like Im never going to be happy without her.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Monday 2nd of November 2009 02:39:02 PM
Sorry to hear your anger, pain, and frustration.... I don't know what to offer you, other than "program"..... Many times, choosing recovery for ourselves - via Al-Anon, and other venues, can help provide us the peace which helps us through this stuff.... I had many of those same expectations and disappointments with my (now ex) AW.... She finally got sober, on her terms, around seven years ago, but our marriage didn't survive... I'm thankful I found Al-Anon, which helped me grow past the anger....
Take care of you Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Aloha BR...That is painful and right out of my own story you will heal if you want to and are humble enough to learn from others who have been where you are at right now. Thousands of "others" are in the Al-Anon Family Groups for spouses, relatives friends and associates of alcoholics. You certainly are not alone and what you are going thru is "normal" for the male spouse of an alcoholic woman. There are other guys here who will share their experiences, strengths and hopes with you who will relate to your post always.
Better not even try "not loving"...it is a part of who you are and what you do; your character and spirit and your makesup. Don't try stopping it won't work. You can and will learn another way of loving if you can get your anger, resentment, sorrow, anger, self pity and all the other road blocks out of the way. That form of love is "unconditional love" love with understanding, compassion, respect, mercy, grace and other characteristics of unconditional love. It's the kind of love we like to get for ourselves partically love with forgiveness also included.
My relationship with my alcoholic wife was such as yours and so was the pain as instense. Thank God for the Al-Anon Family Groups and all they freely gave me that saved my life and then my sanity and spirit.
Go to afgwso.org and look up the meetings in your area or go to the white pages of your telephone book and find the hotline number and then of course call it. When you find the meeting places and times closest to you of course go as very soon as you can. There will lots of literature there besides maybe coffee and many others who are in different phases of their own recovery from the affects of someone elses drinking. Get and read as much of the literature as you can..."So you love an alcoholic" is just one. "For the spouse of an alcoholic woman" is available also. Find and empty chair and sit down and listen to what is being shared and make a commitment to yourself to get to as many meetings as you can over the next 90 days. After the period of time you decided that our program is not for you go and try other possible solutions.
Hello and welcome , I agree with what has already been said , please find Al-Anon meetings for yourself , it only takes one person to change to create change .There is nothing u can do about her but alot u can do for yourself . Louise
I think you are very strong and brave for where you are at. I'm sorry for all your saddness. I feel all of the emotions you must have been feeling before you made the break. I am with my husband and trying to decide how/when/if? to make the break as, I too, feel I am with the only person I have and ever will love. I will be thinking of you and hope you take comfort in the fact that you have been very strong and that you can now try and concentrate on you for a while. Take care Grace
