I really need a kind word. - Al-Anon Family Group

Grace11 · Member

I really need a kind word.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

HI Grace

I am glad you returned to MIP and remembered the compassion and understanding you found here.

Welcome to alanon and your recovery. I am sorry you are living with the isms of alcoholism. I heard someone say that this disease is called alcoholism and not alcoholwasism. That is because the attitudes take a very long time to change even after the drinking stops.

I am also sorry that your dear father-in-law is terminally ill. This does put a strain on everyone. Please try to just Focus on Yourself. Your sanity and peace of mind must be the most important at this time.

I know this situation appears impossible . I have been there so please know you are not alone. I ALSO DID NOT WANT TO ATTEND FACE TO FACE MEETINGS but finally when it became too painful (this was before on line meetings) I finally did attend.

Online meetings are held in the Al-Anon chat room associated with this site.

From the board click on Al-Anon Group Meeting/Chat Room in the yellow box in upper left of the page. After clicking on the link please be patient, sometimes it takes a while for the window to open.

When you are ready to attend f2f meetings

Help with finding local meetings near where you live may be found at the following web site: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html Or call: 1-888-4alanon

Please know that after living with this disease we all need help in recovering from it. That is why this program works. Yes you need kindness, understanding, support, compassion and love. You will find all that here.

Please keep coming back. You are worth it.

I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Peggy7 · ~*Service Worker*~

My dear friend you are more precious then the beauty that nature unfolds.
If my HP had a refrigerator your picture would be on it.
You are far more loved then you are feeling at this very moment.
You have many wonderful qualities that with the help of this program you will discover and allow to unfold.
You are more dear then any human alone will ever understand. You have gifts and blessings daily that you're not even realizing right now.
Let your light shine, be kind to you, pamper and protect you from all hurt.
Know you are worth it.
You are a miracle in the making, we have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Rest assured peace love and understanding will and can be found behind the very doors you avoid.
I know I can't do this stint called life alone and you don't have to either.
Forgive yourself and take it one day at a time.
The Golden rule always helps me when in doubt treat others with love and kindness.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Grace...You are not alone. (((((hugs))))) It has to be an exercise in
courage to come here and open up. It's okay...where you are at right now is
familiar to so many of the membership of the Family Groups and you are being
supported and loved outside of your imagination. Keep coming here and
participating. (((((hugs))))) smile

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello and welcome back , unfortunatley your living with what is refered to as a dry drunk , no booze but nothing else is changing . I have had dry in my home and it was worse than the drinking days , I am sorry about you F I Law and yes it will be tough to get thru but u will get thru it . Your husb will too and hopfully he will not turn to drinking to grieve his loss .
I am sorry u won't consider going to real meetings you need support You have no idea what your missing and as for sharring well u can sit and just listen simply say pass . I hope u will reconsider Al-Anon changed my life and ultimatley that of my family ,it only takes one person to change to create change . and we can't wait for other people to change to be happy .
If we want change we have to be willing to create it . good luck Louise
PS. once settled in our program your never alone again .

Lilly Burn · Veteran Member

Hello Grace11. I too am so sorry to hear hurt you are only a year into your marriage. My marriage ended after 7 years and sadly for me things never got better, only worse. in the end i was blamed for everything and most of all of course, for coming between him and the drink..not that he thinks that, i was just a killjoy. He killed my joy thats for sure. Its tough and I tried so very hard to hold our marriage together, it took everything out of me and for me now, whilst i am still hurting, my life is calm at last. When my AH was not drinking it was as bad as when he was, he just became obsessed about not drinking. Unfortunately, I did not understand alcoholism at all and if I had been on this site sooner, much of the fear i lived with would have been disappated by the knowledge i have now. Too late for me, some people can make their marriage work, but as you see from here, it seems face to face meetings and support are essential. I wish I had been armed with that information. I wish you luck, you will get lots of support here, It has helped me get through the shock and grief of my husband simply abandoning me. All i got was a phone call to say he wasnt coming back, ive not seen him since and remain absolutely no contact. If I could have taken control of my life and how i dealt with my Ah, then maybe I would have had a different story to tell. Hugs from Lilly x

debhud · Veteran Member

hi hon, my dh is going through some of his own greiving...40 yo sister murdered and 43 yo brother died within a couple of months. my dh is drinking and taking pills. i feel horrible for him as far as how much he is going through. i try to be supportive but continue to do things that are good for me. i try not to get too wrapped up in how he is handling everything because to be honest with you, he would be drinking and pill popping whether his brother and sister died or not. i will not focus on it. i will not be obsessed with his drinking. my higher power is so good to me. he gives me what i need. do i love my dh? absolutely! he is my best friend in the whole world! i can't imagine life without him. he is just very sick. thinking of you. hang in there.

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome back, Grace. I'm glad you came back here. We are always here. You are not alone.

I too wish you would consider the f2f meetings. I know it is hard at first, but isolating is just not healthy, and sometimes we can take the privacy thing to an unhealthy extreme. I know.

But when you are ready the rooms will be waiting for you with open arms and loving people to help you change your life.

Until then, keep coming back here and posting and reading. We are here and you don't have to do this alone.

In recovery,

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

I hope that you will consider what I have to say saying something nice to you. I, all too well, know that feeling of needing to hear kind, reassuring words. Humans thrive on positive input; it is as necessary as the air we breathe.

Being a private person is desirable in some ways, but not in others. Life with an alcoholic is a life that requires us to have someone in whom we can confide our thoughts, fears, triumphs, and tears. I can think of none of life's trials that is so devastating as being one who shares his/her life with an addict. The very nature of the damage we suffer makes it necessary to have a confidante. A trusted friend or relative who really understands. I am convinced that finding such a person adds immensely to our peace of mind and serenity. Sharing through face-to-face meetings may not appeal to your private side, but they have saved my sanity more than once; and I am a person who prides herself on having met life's tragedies with her head high and her pride and dignity intact...that is until an alcoholic came into my life.

Grace, there are some things we cannot handle alone. And we shouldn't. Please come back here often, where you will find people who understand and care. And please reconsider going to meetings where you can learn so much about successfully handling life with an alcoholic.

My prayers and positive thoughts go with you,

Diva

Grace11 · Member

Thank You so much to all of you who replied to my plea for some kind words. Believe me they helped. I don't think I have ever felt as low as I did when I asked for those words so from the bottom of my heart ...Thank You. Life for me is the same but I am feeling a little bit stronger in the past day or two. It is true that knowing there are others who REALLY understand makes it a bit easier to deal with...and to know I am not going mad! ( even if it feels like that sometimes) Thank you again, you are all really lovely people and I think will become my lifeline for some time to come, even if it is just to log on and read some posts without sharing.

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Keep posting here. This is a welcoming loving place to be.

I know what it is to live with someone who is not taking care of themselves. I also know the euphoria, the ex A had it all the time. Around the corner was the next fix. He put on a great great "act".

Living around that was very very hard.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.