The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Got a collect call. He is in Atlanta and will arrive here in San Antonio about 1 in the morning. Sounds tired and weak. I guess that's what a week of binge drinking does to a person. He is sober, and I can tell the depth of the apology is going to be world-class.
Does the madness continue where it left off? If I am not careful and true to my boundaries, that is exactly what will happen. So I am talking myself into the proper mindset, and rehearsing my response. Interesting how we can rehearse as if no opposing words would to be interjected. I know it is probably better not to author a pat speech, so I will call it an outline.
A..1..2..a..b..
B..1..2..3.. etc.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva on Friday 30th of October 2009 09:14:25 PM
-- Edited by Diva on Friday 30th of October 2009 09:57:38 PM
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Well he is alive and sober and on his way home this has to give you some relief as well as anxiety.
Try and write a few things down, this may help when you forget what you want to say.
My prayers are with you and hubby, please try and remember where there is life there is hope....you guys still have a chance....I know what I would give for that one.
Take care of you first and foremost, I will be thinking of you very much......hold on dear lady...you are a strong and very smart woman try and hang on to this.
Diva...I remember learning how to think and say honestly, "I am so sorry that you have to go thru this. I know it is hard on you. I wish I could help and I cannot."
Sticking to an dfollowing through on boundaries, allowed me to experience detachment and self respect which is priceless. Stick to ur boundaries even though it is hard going in the beginning but the rewards pay off.
I agree with jerry, being validating and supportive, while excusing yourself from the responsibility, is important to voice, they have to figure out how to control their own disease, its not up to us. I also love the saying, "I'ms sorry ufeel that way" bc again, I can validate while putting their feelings back on them, where they belong. And then detach with love from his feelings, issues, whims. An apology is typical but watch the behavior ~ listen with your eyes. My exAH always apologized and then he always did the same ole thing.
Focus on you and work on you ~ its all any of us can "do" anyway. Take care of YOU whatver that looks like.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I know you know what to do and you can do it. Just ask yourself this: "Do I want this insanity to continue?" If not, then do what you need to. Set that boundary and stick to it. I've got your back. Call me if you need me. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
They've got the drinking disease; we've got the thinking disease.
We only have "just for today." We know that anytime an active alcoholic is opening their mouths, they are lying. I life "don't listen to the words, watch the actions."
I am here for ya too, my beautiful friend. Your life is worth happiness, peace and serenity.
love ya, Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Hi Diva, thinking of you and your A. Glad he got himself back here. Take care of yourself Diva. If I were you I would be on edge and churning about "what's he gonna do?". I can look back on times last year where I became reactive to that. If he does this then I'll do that - tried to force a lot of solutions at that time. I can see looking back I didn't have to react straight away. I'm trying, with HP help, to spend more time in awareness and acceptance before action. It's tough though. I'm so driven to ACT, (actions controlling thoughts) instead of AAA.
