New here...Adult Child of an A - Al-Anon Family Group

KC7411 · Newbie

New here...Adult Child of an A

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

The esh I have in this is limited.

I do know everyone has to be on board, stick to boundaries or it won't have a chance. Also a very experienced intervention expert needs to be present.

He sounds like a loving guy, we never know what may touch him. At this age however, if a boundary is we will not have family get togethers if you drink, if you are drinking when we come visit we will leave.

Or even harder, we won't be part of your life unless you choose to go to rehab.

There are lots of ways to do it. At his age however, with bad health maybe it would help to give mom a break. I don't know how you guys are financially, but maybe invite mom to go away to somewhere for a vacation, just the girls and her, or just someones and her.

I have a feeling he will not change, and am not sure what it would do to his body at this point to stop drinking. It is super hard on one to stop after that long of drinking.

I am sure she would love a break. Maybe even go to different famlies homes to stay a week or two at a time. We fought over who got to have my mother! (o:

My heart goes out to you and yours. Before anything I would talk to a professional.

I am sure an AA group could direct you in your area. On the frequently asked questions on the board there is a site to go to to get help.

Keep coming back. love,debilyn

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

KC7411 wrote:

My mother is 75 yrs old and after 53 yrs of marriage she wants us (her kids) to 'do something'. He has an assorted list of health problems...cancer survisor 5 times...recent open heart surgery and through it all he continues to drink and drive. (the driving is my biggest concern.... if we take away the keys this will take away his access to go purchase alcohol.... I'm sure he'd find a way though)

My mother wants our help... she wants us to have an intervention. We have talked to him over the years....some siblings have followed in his foot steps and "see why he drinks because mom is such a nag" and some just stay away. Other of us avoid going there except for major holidays or when we have to...... we cannot take the grandkids around to see him like this or to hear her yelling at him when he's drinking but they have been exposed to this and as they have grown up make comments about grandpa's drinking too.

Both his drinking and her reaction are a problem for the entire family.

Hi KC

I just highlighted a portion of your share that spoke to me. As you no doubt know alcoholism is a disease over which we are powerless. Your families reaction to the drinking in your parents home is "natural. "

Alanon can help your mom and each of you.
Alanon tells us:
We did not cause alcoholism
We cannot control it
Cannot cure it
Changed attitudes can aid recovery for yourself and your mom and sometimes the alcoholic.

Suggest your mom attend alanon meetings in your local area. Offer to attend with her. Look in the white pages of the telephone directory for the main telephone #. You will be given a listing of meetings. There will be literature at the meetings which will keep your mom busy learning about alcoholism and her reaction to it.

Alanon offer us new tools to deal with this disturbing illness.

The main ones are

Focus on yourself
Live one day at a time
Do not project
Take no ones inventory but your own
Pray
Say what you mean mean what you say but do not say it mean

Suggest your mom attend some open AA meetings.
Unfortunately I cannot talk about interventions but can recommend alanon and the help it offers.

Please keep coming back

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I would suggest you get the book "Getting them Sober"

Maresie

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.