The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night at my meeting I was wondering why I could not find it in me to share. It was the same as the meeting the night before. I have noticed that if the topic is not focused on talking about the A in our life, I don't know what to talk about. I find it here too. I don't know how to share what is actually going on with me. I feel I only have fear to share about my son. I cannot pinpoint what exactly I am doing to take care of me and detach from him. I really thought I was doing well before but I know now where my focus is.
Recently I have been staying with my BFF who just lost her husband. I have been sleeping better at her house and instead of waking up in the middle of the night and obsessing about my fears I am actually sleeping later and feeling much better when I get up. I actually put on eye makeup for work today.
I am trying to make 3 f2f meetings a week so I can better understand that this is for me and nobody else.
Hi Gail, I am glad you are attending some additional face to face meetings. Staying with your friend and getting more rest is really important.
When I began "Focusing on Myself" at meetings I too discovered that my focus, conversations, fears and interests were all other directed. That awareness was frightening but very imporant. Slowly, mostly at meetings I began to explore what I wanted, who I was,and what I honestly felt.
I began to share this person with others at the meeting. I, like many at the meeting had lost myself. The meetings, sharing sponser and tools of alanon were all developed to help me find me.
Once I found the person I had discarded years ago I was better able to solve my problems.
So keep going back to the meetings. Share what you can . Eventually your focus will shift off the alcoholic to yourself and big growth will occur.
Keep coming back
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 30th of October 2009 01:36:37 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 30th of October 2009 10:29:07 PM
The first step to changing something is acknowledging that there is a problem. In this case it is a problem for you that you can't get in touch with Gail, think about Gail, feel what it is that Gail feels. That's ok, and that's what I would suggest you share at your next meeting. I would bet money that every person at that meeting will identify personally with your struggle.
The reason that I suggest that you share this at the meeting is because I found that when I was stuck like that it helped immensely to just start talking about it and get it out into the open. In the light of day, these problems can't last against the power of this program and HP.
I started a new habit for myself of asking myself several times a day "How do I feel? What do I need?" That helped me get in touch with myself. It was a mantra for months that helped me get the focus back on me.
If you are just uncomfortable with sharing, I would suggest that you try just a quick to the point statement to the effect that you don't know what to share because you are having a hard time focusing on yourself, then pass. Maybe something simple like that will help you break the ice, so to speak. Anyway, its just a suggestion. Take what you like.....
Of course keep posting here, too.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Be grateful for the listening time you have. I was told that there is a reason I have two ears and one mouth and that I was to use them in accordance. There are times for sharing and times for listening. Again for me the listening times needed to be greater when I first got here and the sharing after I learned what I needed to learn...alas that wasn't always the case when I first got here. Thank God for the unconditional love the ladies of the rooms had for this angry, crazy, confused babbling male. I got the message from listening and that is only how I have got it. The time will come and when it comes you will share with honesty. You are sharing now so this way is okay for now. Sleep!! undisturbed!! I can tell you from this guy who has a lot of problems with it that your are being blessed.
Hello Gailey , well u rang some bells with me when u posted this today , only in my case my sponsor challenged me to go to meetings and NOT talk about my husb . boy that was hard . It was good for me took about six weeks of just listening to figure things out a bit . I had no life , HE was my life there was no ME. that revelation made me mad as hell but it also started me moving in the right direction , I didn't know how I felt about anything when i got here , I didn't have an opinion on anything I had let myself to become a vegetable of sorts . When obsessing about others , we have no life of our own . Louise
