Had to file Order of Protection against ex-husband. - Al-Anon Family Group

Overcome · Senior Member

Had to file Order of Protection against ex-husband.

blender_girl · Senior Member

(((overcome)))

I have no ESH for you, just sending you warm hugs to reassure you.

Give yourself a break - you are only human. You did what was necessary to protect yourself. You are not responsible for how other people behave.

Continue to take care of you, whatever that looks like.

love in recovery,

bg

shellyj123 · ~*Service Worker*~

My exABF did something similiar to me when we split up. After months of him not letting go completely, he decides we should date again, and during the weeks up to that date he told me the MOST wonderful things, and talked about all the things we'd do together and places we go again, etc. He talked as though we had a future together.....even told my best friend that he believed in a future with me.
After our "second first date", and our "second second date"-he withdrew, said it was to much, that he wasn't sure how to know what the next right step was, etc....He totally crushed me because he had no idea what HE wanted.
The best ESH I can offer, is take care of you. Think about what YOU want, what makes YOU happy. Is it him?
I wish more than anything that EXABF would NEVER have given me that hope, not one ounce of it, and then taken it away from me with little explaination....it was at this point, after all we had been through that I truly began to hate him and the person he was.
AFter almost a year has passed I see things differently.....I will NEVER agree with HOW he did what he did-the first time around, but I can understand WHY. He deserved to be happy and I wasn't making him that way. The second time around I think he was just being a selfish drunk that wanted to hold onto me until he found someone else to move on with.....I was a safety net.
As long as you are being totally honest with your exhusband and not giving him any hope of a reconciliation, then his loss of faith is his loss of faith. You are not responsible for his drinking, his loss of faith, or any of his actions.....but I think you already know this.
Sometimes I used to think I cared to much about everyone else, and to little about myself.........turns out I was right:)
Please take care of you and keep you safe
shelly

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I think its pretty normal to give them another chance. I gave the ex A another chance. When I finally decided I could not do it anymore his rage was tremendous. He blackballed me to everyone (ironically those people ended up calling me and telling me they were sick of him but needless to say they believed him for a while).

Why expect perfection?

Many of us go back and forth for a while. I don't think that is a criminal offence nor to blame for his over reaction.

Maresie.

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Overcome))),

It didn't matter if you even said yes you will get back together. He had NO right to break into your house. NONE of this is your fault. You did absolutely the right thing by protecting you and your mother. Stay strong. Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha OC and (((((hugs)))))

That actually pretty well describes the insanity of the disease. On again/Off again
Way on again/way way off again. Its your side of the street that you have to take
care of and your program you have to work and you have been working it normally.
It took me a while to stick on the program and before that I vacillated...on...off and
it doubled messaged the alcoholic and got me sicker and sicker. The reason I fell
off program was always denial. I got to see things how they really were and made
good decisions as to how I wanted life to be for me and then I'd relapse back into
old thinking, denial, apathy, complacency, enabling and fear that I was causing my
alcoholic grief.  Of course what she did while I was going thru this was...drink and
drink somemore often with the thought that someday there would come a time
when magically everything would be okay whatever that meant in her alcoholic
mind and thinking.     "If nothing changes...nothing changes".

You exercised courage and it will have to stay with you as a part of your character
in program. Doing the right thing after sooooo many years doing what didn't work
takes courage. Doing the Al-Anon Program in the face of a ranting, raging, out of
their mind alcoholic takes courage and anything else is a relapse. Keep your
support group around you and use them before you make a move rather than
after.   That can save grief. Of course and primarily there always has been God of
your understanding. Stay within HP's care. (((((hugs))))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Just because you were working on a relationship, does not give anyone the right to come into your home without permission.

I don't feel any reason what makes you mad at you? Unless you gave him a key and or said come in anytime, he broke the law and your boundaries.

I believe you did right telling him the order stays. He proved he cannot be trustworthy.

You take care of you. Lots of work on your program has made you get so far!

hugs, debilyn

wp · ~*Service Worker*~

Over, You did not cause it....you aren't that powerful. Take care of you. :) pw

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

All I can say is that after he has reacted like that, thank HP that you backed out when you did. Sounds to me like disaster averted.

You are not responsible for his sobriety, faith, life. PERIOD! That is his stuff to deal with. Your breaking it off with him is not going to shake his faith. That is manipulation on his part, Big Time! You are just not that powerful. Really.

Keep posting and reading and getting to meetings when you can. You are worth your own effort.

In recovery,

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