"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

artie · Member

functioning alcoholics

Melissa21 · Senior Member

My sons father is pretty much a functional A. all the bills were paid by him before he bought alcohol..He even tried cutting back for awhile. Knew the only way he could do that was ONLY buy 1-2 beers and one shot. If it wasn't in the house he wouldn't drink it. But honestly it didn't last too long. He could even go to work after having a couple shots and beer and nobody could tell he was drunk or at least they didn't say anything Took me awhile to be able to tell whether he was drinking or not..

Whether they are functional, non functional A, dry drunks or addicts..I think they are all basically the same characteristics. But you know what?? We have to learn to not worry about that so much and worry about ourselves!! It's hard for me, but one day at a time im working on it! It does get easier!

Advice: well we don't give advice here at alanon. You have to decide what to do on your own. We just share what we have done and you take what you like and leave the rest. So to be able to do this you have to just keep going meetings, reading alanon literature, sharing, and listening!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

all a's were functioning at some point.
Just like most diseases,it progresses and all what you thought was functioning a was a nightmare in progress.

so sad.
love debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

After being in program as long as I have and listening as hard as I have with my
ears and with my eyes mostly I have come to the conclusion that there really is
no such thing as a "functioning" alcoholic. They are never all the way there and
others to some degree big or small are covering for them.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

I guess most people define a functioning alcoholic as someone that gets up and goes to work and pays the bills. I must agree with Jerry, they aren't really functioning. My husband is a highly skilled, educated, intelligent person.
Yes, he could get up and go to work but his capability for anything else pertaining to family life was highly lacking.
He maintained his status at work until he ended up in ICU with renal failure.
He was functioning, but his system sure wasn't.

Suggestions for dealing with a so called functioning alcoholic are the same as with all alcoholics.... Go to meetings, work the steps and learn the tools so you can help yourself.

My guess is the reason you aren't seeing posts about functioning alcoholics is because a alcoholic is a alcoholic..is a alcoholic.. There is no barely or somewhat alcoholic.
Just as there is no barely cancer. It either is or it isn't. There may be different degrees but the treatment is chemotherapy and or radiation no matter what the severity.

For those who are affected by someone's drinking, the treatment is Alanon.

Christy

-- Edited by Christy on Wednesday 28th of October 2009 08:54:53 PM

penelope · Member

well said Christy! i always love your ESH.. :)

artie · Member

Thanks to all for your replies. I've been in denial for many years and wish I had done this earlier, but at least I've started now. Something said at my last f2f meeting really hit home - that I'm sick too. Didn't want to hear that, but it's true. Sad thing is I can look back over the last 35 years and certain red flags stick in my mind, but I ignored them. Or I confronted him and made him angry which made me not want to confront anymore. It really has been a merry go round like the story I read, but now I realize I have to do something for me. Thanks again for your support and all future support I know you'll give.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

The first three steps were the solution for me when I was doing that Artie. When
I finally woke up and admitted I was no where even close to knowing what I was
really doing and accepted that it was alcoholism full bloom in all its cunning, power-
ful and baffling character I surrendered to the steps, program, Higher Power and
support. The steps have become my behavior, replacing what I use to do and how
I use to do it before I found the program. I am profoundly grateful for the program.
I know this is where God wanted me to be. Keep coming back... In support
(((((hugs))))). smile

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm with the others.... "functioning" can be kind of a relative word....

Before my ex-AW got sober, she used to include me in the insanity of her addiction....we went through years and years of her "negotiating" with me on how much she would/should drink..... She'd pass out at a party on a Friday night, and her "solution" the next day would be something like..... "hmm, obviously 12 drinks was too much last night.... tonight I will limit myself to 8".......

Only in the eyes of an alcoholic, can ANY of that make any sense, lol

Take care
Tom

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"