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Alcoholic partner who fled to London last Friday afternoon is holed up in a hotel in Manchester, England. I have spoken to him twice. He has been drinking - now it is Wednesday, but has had nothing to eat, has not come out of the room, has not bathed or shaved, and feels and sounds awful. He is nearly 70...not a young man, and I feel he is becoming weak and soon will be unable to care for himself even if he wanted to. Should I intervene by phoning the hotel and asking them to call for emergency medical care? I don't want to let him lie there and die, but other than call for help for him, there isn't anything I can do, and I am honestly afraid he IS going to die.
At this point I really don't care whether he comes back home or not. But I do feel Imust do something.
DIVA
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Here is one possible solution. Go to the main page and then click on the AA board. Post a request for feedback or support to any alcoholic member in England and see if it is possible to get a sober member of AA in the area of the hotel to go by and do a 12th step. There are a lot of things that are necessary for this to work and one of them is finding someone who can help over there...in the end Diva you still have to keep doing what you're doing now...Turning it over to Higher Power and then letting it go. Yes you can also call the hotel or the Manchester equivalent of 911 or a family member of his there. He still has to be honest and willing to get help. I can tell you that 70yoa should not be a deterent as I have recently seen a severe alcoholic near that age get into sobriety and how has about 120 days sober in the program. Turning you over (((((hugs)))))
I have been in a similar position before with my ex. And I did call the police. And he was taken to the hospital. And he did resent me later when he was feeling better.
But put in the same situation again, I would do the same thing.
I say call the hotel and give them a heads up. Or the local authorities.
But do so with no expectations. Make sure your motives are pure and you are good to go.
I spoke to a delightfully helpful gentleman at AA in Manchester, gave him the contact info, and he is going to make contact. As he said, he cannot force anything, but he will try to see if there is anything he or other members can do.
AA man will telephone me back later to let me know details of the contact.
Thanks all of you for hanging in here with me. And a special thanks to Karilynn. You're an angel.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I think I am more concerned about you than him. I know I made myself absolutely sick with worry. I hope that you are trying to do some self care, rest, eat, take breaks.
I have been there with the being absolutely sick to my stomach with worry. I had to detach and detach and then detach some more. Please let us know you are taking care of yourself.
Diva, Thank you, for your post. I don't have any advice, I am sorry. This situation is one that I have feared would become my future one day if I choose to stay in a marriage with my A. I do not want to grow old with someone and have this to deal with. I just got in from work and was feeling a little lonely. Each day God sends me a lil sign letting me know that I made the right decision for myself. Today, your post was a glimpse of what my future might look like had I not asked my husband to leave. Scary Scary Glimpse. May God be with you and your friend. Sincerely, Tony
I think it is wonderful that you made an AA contact. That is one of the things that I love the most about this program. You can be almost anywhere in the world and find the help you need for yourself or someone else.
My prayers are with you, Diva. As maresie said, please take good care of yourself. He has an HP and now an AA group to help him. You stepping out could be the best thing for him now. HP does not do anything by accident. Maybe this is why he is now in England and not in Texas.
Love to you, dear.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Thanks HP for JerryF. We are so blessed to have him here. I would not have thought of contacting an AA member in England but as soon as I read his reply I thought WONDERFUL IDEA!!
So glad that worked (so far) Diva!!!
My next thought was just a teeny tiny bit of a giggle. The guy crosses the ocean to drink in peace and here comes AA knocking at the door.
I hope all turns out well Diva... Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Yes, thank all of you for your concern. I am taking care of myself. I have advanced from a crying, screaming heap after I discovered he had left the country, to one who is serenely and quietly enjoying having the drama gone from my life. If he comes back, we'll see what happens; if he doesn't, that's ok too. I am a strong and capable woman who can take care of herself. I did so for years and years before he came into my life. SOmehow I have the ability to regather my inner strength and end up a winner!
Ya can't make up stuff like this peeps! Leave it to an alcoholic!!!
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
