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He telephoned. From London. Anyone remember the movie, "Lost Weekend?" He has no memory (or so he says) of any of it. Found himself in a strange hotel, smelling like dog manure, having not bathed or shaved or changed clothes in three days. Did not know where he was. Found his way to the reception desk and was shocked to find out he was in London. He had purchased a two-way ticket though, and remembers where he parked his car in the long-term lot here at San Antonio International. Sketchy memories. All so weird. He remembers a group of engineers he drank with last evening somewhere. Oh God it is CHILLING!
He was most contrite as usual, and begged me to allow him to come home. OK, OK, I am nuts too. I told him if he would get involved in a program and try to help himself stay sober, he could come home. If not, don't. I was actually beginning to look forward to living my life as I damn well please without the drama and roller-coaster craziness.
And so, life continues.....
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Ahhhh Diva. Haven't I heard that boundary before also? Good for you and hopefully good for him. Classic blackout if that is really what happened to him. (Including the dog poop. They don't remember the dogs they went out with either LOL. You are doing what is necessary and suggested for you. (((((hugs)))))
well Diva , and so it goes . when my husb left our home he drove to wyoming , found himself in a bar when he came too literally , there were a lot of empty glasses at his table , he got angry at the bar tender thought he was dumping empties on his table ask him to remove them . The bartender said uh sir You drank those . Husb didnt remember thinking about drinking dosent remember going to the bar or where the 5 hrs went that the bar tender told him he was there. this is truly as disease Diva no doubt in my mind . Husb had been sober for 9 months when this happend . , He is sober 20 yrs now no slips . i too set the boundary AA and sober or stay where you are . after 6 months on his own and nearly drinking himself to death , he decided he would try sober . so far so good . Louise
I'm really glad he's ok and good for you on the boundary. My AH often loses time when he's drinking and honestly can't recall what he did or said and who he saw when he was there. I think a lot of us set boundaries for someone else. I do. It's taken me too long to figure out that a boundary is something I will do if it is crossed. It might be worth thinking about it that way? I know you've got heaps of program so I know you'll do great - just wanted to share a hard won insight from my own journey.
Well at least he's safe so to speak. I'm really surprised that they even let him on the airplane. Stick to your boundary. If abides by it, great. If not then you have your serenity. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I have no judgements as to what you have decided. I know you are a strong intelligent woman.
HOWEVER...(lol) Since I know that you would do well enjoying your freedom and you are the type of person that would become even more adventurous in that freedom...
Please have a secure plan B and firm boundaries for his return. Plans and boundaries leave us no question as to what the consequences are and keep us from saying "what the hell do I do now" if things go down hill. You will know your exact course of action.
The only thing that caught my little red flag's antenna was that he had to "try to help himself stay sober".
Having been down this road many times, my experience is that my husband would slip/sneak/lie..whatever he chose to call it....then when it becomes obvious to you they are drinking, they manipulate the intention of your words with "I AM trying", I messed up but I'm still trying. I'm standing in front of you drunk trying!!. Then comes the guilt trip and the switch of focus back on you.."You said I had to try". "Trying" is pretty open ended.
Been there, bought the T-shirt for that one, and had the T-shirt thrown in my face. Just thought I'd throw that out there for ya as a possible (and likely) scenerio.
Even though we can't force solutions, we surely can deem what we will and will not live with.
Hang tough, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Thanks all of you for your responses and support. I appreciate it more than you know. Christy, you are dead right. All the "trying" in the world does not even begin to hint at sobriety. I will rethink this part of my response and while I am doing so, I will be thanking you for bringing it to my attention.
Love to all,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
The others have said enogh for me, Diva. Just a big (((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))) in support from me.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
