The material presented
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Hi! This is my first post and I'm going to my first meeting tonight. I'm sure it's long overdue. I have that sick feeling in my stomach about going home tonight after work. It's a feeling I get when I know that my AFiance drank last night and I'm not sure what it's going to be like tonight. Normally, I would sit down with him and have a conversation about his behavior. I feel like I'm having the same conversation over and over and still the same outcome.
He claims that he doesn't want to drink and he wants to get help. He attends maybe 2 meetings a week just to get a slip signed for probation. He took a job at a bar. AT A BAR! While I'm happy he has a job, I'm not happy that it's at a bar. I wake up in the middle of the night and call him a million times because I don't know where he is. It's probably the lingering effect of him being carted off to jail one night when I was sleeping because he "fell asleep" at the wheel and hit a car and didn't know.
He stole $100 from my wallet when he was drunk the other night and now has no idea where it is. That is about 3 weeks of groceries (I budget really well because we are not doing well financially).
He overdrafted one of my bank accounts by writing a check, forging it, and not telling me. The check wasn't for alcohol but I don't think that matters. And he's sorry. He gave me the money to put it back but now there will probably be a fee.
This morning I woke up to him still awake, drunk, denying it. "I only had one jack and coke." I found chewing gums stuck to my work computer and leather ottoman. On the way out the door, I poured out his open cup of alcohol he had hidden in the bathroom downstairs. I left the cup there and I'm not sure if I intend on saying something about it. It won't do anything. He might not even remember it was there.
I'm waiting for that aha moment to tell me to leave him or kick him out. Is there an aha moment? Am I just waisting time and my breath?
First meeting tonight. I know I need so many meetings. I wish I could take in the wisdom of 100 meetings all at once.
I know that feeling. Meetings have definitely helped that subside for me. They also helped me to detach from all that craziness that was going on, and made me realize that reasoning with my AH and confronting him about stuff is not helpful, and actually makes things worse.
I am very happy for you that you are going to your first meeting!!! Keep going back! I thought the same thing about wishing I could learn it all on the first day, but it comes slowly.
Hi RagDoll Welcome I am glad you are going to your first meeting tonight. Please try to pick up some literature and a meeting list. The phamplet The Merry Go Round Named Denial is great and the booklet This is Alanon. The daily readers are also helpful as they give mediations for each day and gives a focus of the program
Love your SCREEN NAME.
I KNOW WHEN I FIRST CAME INTO ALANON I FELT LIKE A "RAGDOLL". KEEP COMING BACK. YOU WILL FEEL BETTER AND YOU WILL GET SOME TOOLS TO HELP LIVE YOUR LIFE IN A CONSTRUCTIVE MANNER
LET US KNOW HOW THE MEETING WENT.
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 26th of October 2009 08:58:09 PM
I'm glad you are here. I'm sorry that you are in pain and having that familiar sick feeling I have so often experienced. You asked about aha moments ... I've had many aha moments but not about leaving my ExAH. That only came after reaching the bottom, no options left other than that one. I still have regret that I stayed as long as I did, and i am working ob releasing those feelings of anger at myself for putting myself thru that. I did learn many things I may not have otherwise.
I wish you a wonderful meeting and serenity. Keep coming back.
Hello! I used to get a sick feeling in my stomach while driving home from work everyday. That's when my husband was drinking. He is now in recovery and I do not have that feeling any more!!! Good luck at your first meeting. I was very nervous when I went to my first meeting. The people were friendly and the meeting was helpful. There was nothing to be afraid of. I have only been to a few meetings so I have a lot to learn. I am so thankful that I went to that first meeting and even more thankful that my husband is sober!
Aloha Ragdoll...that sick feeling IS an AHA moment. Your stomach is waking you up and you are going to a meeting....AHA!! I hope you have a marvelous wakeup call in the room that tells you that you are not alone. The Family Groups and eveyone who is a member around this planet is in support of your happiness and sanity. He is suffering from a life threatening disease which is fatal or will drive him further insane, including yourself, If it is not arrested by total abstinence.
You have got some good feedback her for your first visit and I hope you keep coming back here and to the rooms of Al-Anon.
I use to also get that feeling in the pit of my stomach when married to my alcoholic and my addict/alcoholic and the other alcoholic relationships and ....God I needed to be here also.
Welcome to the MIP family. I too remember those sick feelings. I never knew what I was coming home to. Would he be sober or not? Despite the fact that when he wasn't sober he was a quiet drunk, I still dreaded that moment. I use to pour the vodka out too. That didn't help either of us. Getting to your face to face meetings will help. Recovery has to be about you and for you, regardless if he chooses sobriety of not. It's about taking back the life and living the life you so richly deserve. It's about living strong. Please keep coming back. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
