The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I finally had the courage to do what so many of my friends have been urging me to do - I went to the bank and re-arranged my finances.
I have been married to my A for nearly 38 years. We have always had a joint bank account and A has taken care of the finances. I was happy to let him beacuse he worked in a bank and then financial services so he always has had a better financial brain than me. Sadly, he (the love of my life) has been alcohol dependant for the last 5 years. It has got worse and worse until he is an empty shell of the man he used to be. I am the only one earning so I have effectively been bank-rolling his addiction.
I find friends, both real life and virtual, always know best as they tell you what you should be doing. But today I did it! I have changed the account into which my salary is paid to my own personal account and changed standing orders, etc to my account. This gives me total control over the household finances and cuts off his ready source of money for his booze, ciggies, etc. He does have a small pension paid into the joint account and that will be all he have for spending money.
So that is good - I am taking control - so why sad? I am desperately sad for the shambling wreck of an alcoholic that he has become. He was such a proud man. once and so sociable and confident with many friends and now ........ What a dreadful disease this is!
-- Edited by Tattyhead on Monday 26th of October 2009 02:17:04 PM
Good for you! I just did the same thing on Friday. I feel so relieved that I don't have to worry about every single thing he spends, as it was driving me crazy and caused so many fights and much resentment.
