Well MIP family I made it to another Monday afternoon, tired as can be but here with a smile on.  Made my mind up last week that I will start each work day with an attitude of gratitude....it is sooooooooooo HARD sometimes, even harder still to be in it and not of it.  It takes consceince work at it.

After my last post Friday, I went home, took a nap and went to a meeting.  As always right where I needed to be:)  The topics was frustration and acceptance.  My HP truly has a good sense of humor.  The meeting helped me to look at my part in things, and really see my control issues up front and personal.  The new man in my life's inability to bend to my will, or my plans or my time frame all boiled down to my control issues and me not feeling comfortable with no control.  In my defense though, I did end up at a custome party without a custome because of his lack of planning, etc-but that is neither here nor there:)

The date went well.  I had a GREAT sitter for my son-so I was worry free from that. I was a bit nerveous going over to his place, as he lives only about 1 1/2 miles down the road past my EXABF, and I was anxious about the trip itself, having not had been that way since last year this time, and/or the possibility of passing the ESXABF on the way.   I went to M's house and we took the fourwheeler out and all around the property they own on the mountain.  I met his folks-who were the most down to earth people I have met in ages.  We went to the party, and I met his brother and SIL, and later even met his son. He was attentive, and kind and stayed by my side pretty much the whole time:) It was a fun time, and there was no stress or anxiety (other than one of my ex's from 2 years ago calling and sending me nasty messages, because I wouldn't take his calls, and I finally texted him and told him I was on a date-which seemed to REALLY make it worse for some reason.) Even when I put the phone on vibrate I had to keep checking it to see if it was my elderly mom or my son, so it was a bit uncomfortable, but M and I talked about it and he seemed to understand.  We left the party and went back to his house and watched a movie. 

I'm not sure why, maybe because the drive home was soooo long and slow (had to go super slow because of all the dear out that way) but as I was riding past the road that I used to turn off to go to my EXABF's.....I thought about riding by....Wondered if he'd have company or even be home, or even if he still lived there.  It was a very STRONG urge, because it was sooo late I knew the odds of being spoted were slim.  Before AlAnon I would have made that turn without a second thought.  That night I decided to by pass the hot stove and headed on home, it was far from easy, but I took care of me:)

All in all it was a nice evening.  Amazing how I was CERTAIN it would be a WRECK because we had no plan, or I should say because I didn't CONTROL the planning.  I realized yesterday that without this program I would not be able to even be dating this man, or any quality man right now.  I need what AlAnon offers me and the guidance and ESH of my F2F family and my MIP family.  I am learning.....little by little, but daily. 

I am seeing for the first time in my life, without the rose colored glasses, my part in the insanity that was my life for sooo long.

thanks for always being here MIP family
shelly