The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I'm new here. And I'm wondering if anyone is willing to offer some hope or support?
I'm 20 years old, and I live with my boyfriend - We've been together for about a year. We have a great relationship, get along famously, seem to be perfect for each other - but he's a heroin addict. He has relapsed and tried to recover about 5 times since we got together. I suspect he might be relapsing now.
I can't really talk to my friends about this - they just tell me to leave him, and that advice just rubs me the wrong way. Like I said, our relationship is great, except for the relapses. I'm not willing to give it up.
I have been to some al-anon meetings, but I got frustrated because I found it hard to relate to the people I met - mostly older people with alcoholic children, or younger people with alcoholic parents.
Like I said, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is relapsing. He's been 'on the nod' for the past two days, and some really snippy out of character things have come out of his mouth. He's also lying to me about where he's going and what he's doing with money.
I feel pretty lost right now, and I'm avoiding talking to him about my suspicions because I don't feel like I can handle going through all this alone, again.
There are many here that can relate. Some of us are younger than others! I am 26! I was with a man for a couple years who is an alcoholic.
You said:
I feel pretty lost right now, and I'm avoiding talking to him about my suspicions because I don't feel like I can handle going through all this alone, again.
I think for now that's a good idea. More than likely he will just lie about it. Most A's do.
We can't control, fix, change or cure them.
We don't give advice here other than saying keep coming back it does help!! We just share what we have done and learned and you take what you like and leave the rest. Alanon is for US!! So we can be happy !
__________________
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Are there any other meetings in your area? Try as many different metings as you can. Keep going. Look for the similarities, ignore the differences. That helps. Keep posting here.
There are many here whose A are addicts. My AH is addicted to meth, sober 2 yrs, by the grace of HP.
Have you gotten some literature? You can get some at the meetings. Read as much as you can. You might also try looking for some open AA and NA meetings. I attend an open NA meeting regularly. It is an eye opener.
Do you have a sponsor, yet. If not, please look for one.
Most of all, keep coming back. You don't have to go it alone.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Aloha Sangyaa...I related to your post and the part of being in Al-Anon and not relating...I did the samething and that was because I wasn't ready. I was too angry and judgmental of others and my alcoholic wife and also at myself for making the choice to get into the relationship and not being able to control her or my life after that. I made a commitment to a raging alcoholic, addict how do I get happy out of that one. Nothing was wrong except for the drinking and using and then lying, stealing, infidelities, irresponsiblities...Truthfully? nothing was good about it when I got honest and I was in it because I chose to be in it..grrrrr
On the second try I got into the meeting rooms and just sat down and listened and said and thought nothing....obviously the people in the rooms had their lives more well put together than I did and all I had to do was sit and listen not for the differences between me and them but for the similarities. Okay so maybe his drug of choice is Heroin and not alcohol or crack or maryjane or any of the other mind blowing addictions out there...oh "ice" too but it doesn't matter because addicted people are not "whole or normal" and those of us (me!!) who choose relationships with them either have to be willing to live in that insanity or willing to do something that leads to peace of mind and happiness. I chose the rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups and I didn't "get" this program of recovery overnight. I started to get it after I pickep up some humility. Better humble and in a meeting than insane and near death (from my actual experience).
Al-Anon is full of hope but you can rarely get it from outside of the program. You have to be in it...all the way in it. Hope is one of the letters of the ESH we share with each others and other new comers. Experience Strength and Hope. I was told that my life would get better and worth having if I did what I just suggested to you. When I listened to the closing readings of the meetings I was given hope. When I met others who had had it much worse than I, I had hope I could survive the disease and when the program started working for me my hope became real.
Keep coming back...this works if you work it. (((((hugs)))))
Welcome to MIP, maybe try a naranon meeting they are a little different than alanon meetings. same principal but people there have loved ones addicted to drugs rather than alcohol..
You said you only 20 and this is his 5th relapse that you know about. I can tell you this I was married to an alcoholic for 20 yrs most of them were wonderful the last two years he got into drugs and they were much worse than the alcoholism....
You are very young and have your whole life in front of you....please...please save yourself dear friend.....because you can not no matter how much you try save him.
Just one more thing....love has nothing to do with addiction...with addicts that is what comes above all...the addiction. I am speaking to you from the heart and experience.
Hi Everyone, thank you for taking the time to say hi and write replies.
I did talk to my boyfriend the other night, and he admitted to me that he had gotten high with a friend once, but he insisted that he hadn't used since a few nights ago. But he's lying - I know that he's been high for the past three days. It's pretty hard to hide when you live with someone in a small apartment. I did ask him to go back to AA and NA meetings, which he hasn't done since before his last relapse, and he agreed. He also agreed not to talk to the 'friend' that he ended up getting high with on friday. But, you know, we'll see how it goes. I'm currently dealing with a nasty bladder infection, and I really just don't feel up to the usual big scene and situation that relapses bring. So, I've been trying to practice loving detachment and make sure that I'm okay first.
I know that I'm young, and honestly, I never thought I'd be dealing with a problem like this - but here I am. At this point, as bad as things seem sometimes, I'm just not willing to leave this relationship. It's hard because that's what everyone says I should do, and I find myself constantly justifying myself to my friends. This is hard, but I believe that I am able to deal with it.
